Making Tons of Money Writing Fiction? Or “The Case of the Missing Advance”

CAST OF CHARACTERS Scott: An accountant. Hair parted neatly to one side, slightly awkward, mid-thirties, three-piece suit. Anne: A writer. Early fifties, wearing cute jeans and a jacket, an expensive but worn handbag. Her roots need attention. Scott sits at a desk in his generic office. Anne knocks on the door.   Anne: Hello?   Scott: Hi,…
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Authoring in the Modern Age (Or … How the fu*k did books get written before?)

Authoring in the Modern Age I often imagine writers in the pre-internet, pre-social media, even pre-electricity age, and I am filled with sympathy. I simply cannot understand how anyone got anything done before computers came along. As the sun set and the quill ran dry, there was no option but to go to bed and…
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Gratification Now! A Self-Care Guide

Whenever I think about caring for oneself, I always remember the well-known, highly effective parenting technique that I utilized with my own kids, called Gratification Now. It works really well. And teaches wonderful, life-long lessons. The idea is that whenever you’re feeling depleted, low, sad, tired, hungry, or have a need of any kind, just…
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Election stress? Have a drink and check out my dog.

Uh oh – It’s 8 am, and I’m about to mix a martini. Hell, I might not even bother using a shaker; I might start drinking straight out of the bottle. I can’t breathe, and I’m breaking out in hives. Why? Because it’s finally here: After the country’s longest, ugliest campaign season, it’s time to vote. This…
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10 Halloween Season Publishing Nightmares

My top 10 Halloween Season Publishing Nightmares: Simon and Schuster calls. They’re terribly sorry, but they thought this whole time that Amy Poehler wrote SMALL ADMISSIONS. They appreciate my understanding for the mistake and would ask me to please return the advance at my earliest convenience. I am reading in front of a big crowd at…
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