The Deep Irony in Asking Me to Write About Balance

Y’all. I didn’t get home until almost 7 last night. I’ve only spent one entire day at home since August 13th, and I am a homebody. I (try to) maintain a full-time job, a healthy marriage, and I’m currently actively working on THREE manuscripts. And that’s not taking into account the dogs, or exercise, or eating real, healthy food on a regular basis. I clearly did not get the memo…

September 22, 2017
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Find the Joy…Even at Mile 93

July 12, 2017

Calling Debut Authors! Now Accepting Applications for the 2018 Debutante Ball! Read this post to learn more. Hurry! THE DEADLINE IS JULY 28! This week we are writing about what we’ve learned in our debut year and what advice we’d give to forthcoming authors. My advice is simple: find the joy in this journey. One of the most surprising things about being a debut author is that in some ways, the stress is…

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Making Tons of Money Writing Fiction? Or “The Case of the Missing Advance”

May 2, 2017

CAST OF CHARACTERS Scott: An accountant. Hair parted neatly to one side, slightly awkward, mid-thirties, three-piece suit. Anne: A writer. Early fifties, wearing cute jeans and a jacket, an expensive but worn handbag. Her roots need attention. Scott sits at a desk in his generic office. Anne knocks on the door.   Anne: Hello?   Scott: Hi, Anne? Nice to meet you. Come in, please.   Anne: Thanks for seeing me.  …

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Authoring in the Modern Age (Or … How the fu*k did books get written before?)

February 28, 2017

Authoring in the Modern Age I often imagine writers in the pre-internet, pre-social media, even pre-electricity age, and I am filled with sympathy. I simply cannot understand how anyone got anything done before computers came along. As the sun set and the quill ran dry, there was no option but to go to bed and get a really good night’s sleep. Up with the sun and seated at the salmonella-saturated…

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Gratification Now! A Self-Care Guide

January 17, 2017

Whenever I think about caring for oneself, I always remember the well-known, highly effective parenting technique that I utilized with my own kids, called Gratification Now. It works really well. And teaches wonderful, life-long lessons. The idea is that whenever you’re feeling depleted, low, sad, tired, hungry, or have a need of any kind, just give yourself what you need, whatever that may be, and do it without delay! Gratification…

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On Wishing I Could Control My Memoir’s Pub Date

November 30, 2016

Crystal and Amy both nailed it with their posts about the experience of time leading up to book publication. Like Crystal, when my book drops it will be exactly a decade since I began writing. Like Amy, I’m often confused about all the conflicting advice as to what I am to be doing in these months leading up to the on-sale date (though my jokes about the tension aren’t nearly…

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Election stress? Have a drink and check out my dog.

November 8, 2016

Uh oh – It’s 8 am, and I’m about to mix a martini. Hell, I might not even bother using a shaker; I might start drinking straight out of the bottle. I can’t breathe, and I’m breaking out in hives. Why? Because it’s finally here: After the country’s longest, ugliest campaign season, it’s time to vote. This is it! The election is tight! The polls are narrowing! Our future is at stake, and…

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Pressure and Time: The Shawshank Method of Writing

November 1, 2016

This week we’re talking about how — as writers — we cope with pressure. Do we thrive under a deadline, or do we get a mean case of writer’s block? Do we like our agents to give us a firm due date, or do we prefer to set the pace for ourselves? Like most writers I have a love-hate relationship with pressure. I’m fairly new to this whole writing thing, but what…

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10 Halloween Season Publishing Nightmares

October 25, 2016

My top 10 Halloween Season Publishing Nightmares: Simon and Schuster calls. They’re terribly sorry, but they thought this whole time that Amy Poehler wrote SMALL ADMISSIONS. They appreciate my understanding for the mistake and would ask me to please return the advance at my earliest convenience. I am reading in front of a big crowd at a book store and suddenly have a hot flash, flop-sweat debacle to the degree of Albert…

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A Message From My Dad: Compete Only With Yourself

January 14, 2016

My father was a salesman. After college he sold calculators door to door in a three-piece, powder-blue suit. He sold a lot of them, more than anyone else, so he was recruited to sell computers. (Not what I’m typing on. These were the size of ATM machines with a fraction of the functionality.) It was Connecticut in the late seventies and he was working a sale with two doctors starting up…

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