Judging a book by its cover

Being blunt is one of my gifts.  Some would say it’s more of a nuisance, but I don’t know how to be any other way.  I consider myself a “Simon” instead of the sugar-coating (now departed) “Paula.”  I just don’t see the point in beating around the proverbial bush,  shrub, or small hedge.  I speak my mind and save myself a lot of time and needless aggravation.  Oftentimes, I don’t get what I want, but at least everyone knows exactly how I feel and there are no mis-understandings.  Bloodshed maybe, but I’ve since gone for counseling and its worked wonders.

Since I got the green light to write my book 101 Ways to Torture Your Husband, I had visions of an hip, edgy, eye-catching, cover.. something that screamed sexy, empowered female, and agonized tortured man.  I expressed my ideas to my editor who was apparently scribbling smiley faces all over a pad during our phone chat.  You see folks, (and aspiring writers take note) while your editor and publisher “welcome” your ideas, that doesn’t necessarily mean they will actually “USE” any of them.  That was a tough lesson to learn.  One sunny morning in September I received an email from my editor with the words “your cover” in the subject line.  I was on the air doing a morning show and I was pretty slammed, so I decided I would wait until after the show to open the attachment and really savor the moment.  The second we wrapped up the show I locked myself in a private studio and was ready to be wowed.  What happened was the complete opposite.  The first words out of my mouth were a very disappointed “THAT’S  IT??”

I couldn’t help it, I immediately called my agent who had also received the email.  The traitor picked up my call and joyfully announced “I love it! The cover is fantastic!”  I simply said “I HATE it, it looks like an ad for a 50’s diner.”  That conversation led to a high-level, early-morning, stress-inducing, 3-way conference call.  I stuck to my guns, I spoke my mind, and in the end…. the 50’s lady won out.  Since then, my cover has significantly grown on me.  I even dig the retro colors I initially found so offensive.  The book is selling much better than I ever expected, I just graced the cover of the British Sun, and I’m hopefully going to sit down with the ladies of “The View” to discuss torture.   

I guess those darn book people knew what they were doing.