This past weekend I told a story where my age was relevant. I said, “I’m thirty-five– wait no, it’s 2016– I’m thirty-six.”
Only my birthday isn’t until June, and it took me three days to piece that together. I’m thirty-five and don’t know it. I’m suffering from what feels like the irresponsible combination of an epic-bender and pregnancy brain. The cause? All the many unknowns. Unlike my fellow debutantes, my book won’t be out for another 9-10 months. I don’t have a cover or buy links to obsess over pre-orders on, and there aren’t galleys out in the universe hoping to be picked up for a review or book list. I’m also in the middle of planning a cross-country move for my family. There has never been a time in my life with more uncertainty. (Except that one, with a newborn baby and crazy job, when my father died unexpectedly and I found out I was pregnant. That was some crazy shit.)
Here’s what I do know, and it’s more than enough:
- I have the BEST family. My husband is inherently calm. When I need everyone out of the house so we aren’t the last family to arrive at the birthday party yet again (we haven’t been on time to a social event since 2008), this quality drives me insane. But when I’m hemming and hawing over a bunch of possibilities I have zero control over, his whole I-don’t-how-everything-will-work-out-but-I-know-it-will mojo is exactly what I need. And my sister is the angel goddess who puts the pieces of my sanity back together over the phone every night before bed. And my children: they have no clue what’s going on, which makes them wiser than me because at least they know it and just play.
- Many of my favorite authors read I LIKED MY LIFE and enjoyed it enough to submit a quote to my editor. You can check them out here. What a thrill! It’s like opposite day (they read my book), only awesome instead of annoying.
- No matter what happens when I LIKED MY LIFE is released, its opening act was better than I dared hope. Outside the US, it’s sold in four countries so far. The auction included my favorite houses, with amazing editors, and, if I don’t screw it up, I’ll be able to write for a living from here on out.
- Louise, Jennifer, Heather, and Aya’s support has been an absolute lifeline. I am learning so much from them and am enormously grateful we still have six months blogging together. There’s a benefit to not jumping off the cliff first, especially given how gracious my fellow debutantes have been about sharing lessons learned.
- Even if the whole thing is ultimately labeled a #fail, the adventure of ditching the corporate world to follow my dream (paycheck be damn!) has been an incredible journey of self-discovery. My self-worth is now established and balanced. I am a far better mother and wife than I have ever been. To have the time and mental space to love like that is … well … it makes the outcome matter less.
