How’s the Runway Looking?

babybrainconcentrationThis past weekend I told a story where my age was relevant. I said, “I’m thirty-five– wait no, it’s 2016– I’m thirty-six.”

Only my birthday isn’t until June, and it took me three days to piece that together. I’m thirty-five and don’t know it. I’m suffering from what feels like the irresponsible combination of an epic-bender and pregnancy brain. The cause? All the many unknowns. Unlike my fellow debutantes, my book won’t be out for another 9-10 months. I don’t have a cover or buy links to obsess over pre-orders on, and there aren’t galleys out in the universe hoping to be picked up for a review or book list. I’m also in the middle of planning a cross-country move for my family. There has never been a time in my life with more uncertainty. (Except that one, with a newborn baby and crazy job, when my father died unexpectedly and I found out I was pregnant. That was some crazy shit.)

Here’s what I do know, and it’s more than enough:

  1. I have the BEST family. My husband is inherently calm. When I need everyone out of the house so we aren’t the last family to arrive at the birthday party yet again (we haven’t been on time to a social event since 2008), this quality drives me insane. But when I’m hemming and hawing over a bunch of possibilities I have zero control over, his whole I-don’t-how-everything-will-work-out-but-I-know-it-will mojo is exactly what I need. And my sister is the angel goddess who puts the pieces of my sanity back together over the phone every night before bed. And my children: they have no clue what’s going on, which makes them wiser than me because at least they know it and just play.
  2. Many of my favorite authors read I LIKED MY LIFE and enjoyed it enough to submit a quote to my editor. You can check them out here. What a thrill! It’s like opposite day (they read my book), only awesome instead of annoying.
  3. No matter what happens when I LIKED MY LIFE is released, its opening act was better than I dared hope. Outside the US, it’s sold in four countries so far. The auction included my favorite houses, with amazing editors, and, if I don’t screw it up, I’ll be able to write for a living from here on out.
  4. Louise, Jennifer, Heather, and Aya’s support has been an absolute lifeline. I am learning so much from them and am enormously grateful we still have six months blogging together. There’s a benefit to not jumping off the cliff first, especially given how gracious my fellow debutantes have been about sharing lessons learned.
  5. Even if the whole thing is ultimately labeled a #fail, the adventure of ditching the corporate world to follow my dream (paycheck be damn!) has been an incredible journey of self-discovery. My self-worth is now established and balanced. I am a far better mother and wife than I have ever been. To have the time and mental space to love like that is … well … it makes the outcome matter less.

 

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Abby Fabiaschi is the author of I LIKED MY LIFE (St. Martin's Press, February 2017). She and her family divide their time between Tampa, Florida and Park City, Utah. When not writing or watching the comedy show that is her children, she enjoys reading across genres, skiing, hiking, and yoga. Oh, and travel. Who doesn’t love vacation? Learn more at abbyfabiaschi.com.

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