Sometimes in life you discover the meaning of the cliche- be careful what you wish for, you might just get it.
Growing up one of my favorite authors was Judy Blume. I didn’t read her books, I consumed them. Anyone who has read her books recalls the scene in “Are you there God? It’s me Margaret” where the main character in a desperate bid to develop breasts, does chicken wings flap with her arms while chanting “I must, I must, I must increase my bust.” My best friend and I spent a lot of time engaged in this chicken wing exercise (chanting optional- although strongly encouraged.) We desperately did not want to be the last ones to be fitted for a training bra, humiliated by still wearing, oh the horror, undershirts.
And then it happened…I got hooters.
Initially, I saw this development as a very positive thing. Then the downside of breasts became apparent. What might look like a cute dress on an A cup girl can make a D cup girl look like a cheesy waitress from the Hooters restaurant on her way to a stripper interview. Fitted shirts? Not going to fit. Going bra-less? Don’t even think about it unless you want to be tucking those girls into your belt after 40.
Then there is the issue of gravity. If one is dining or drinking and misses their mouth (hey it happens) the food or beverage product will fall directly onto one’s breasts. They stick out- blocking the food’s trajectory to the floor. This creates a stain and attention where one least wants it. I spend a large portion of my life in the ladies room trying to blot something off my shirt with a shredding paper towel.
Thanks a lot Judy Blume. The book should come with a warning. “Excessive bust exercising may have unintended consequences.” I hope she’s happy.
What was one of your favorite books as a teen?