Deb Rachel Loves Anticipation. Except When She Hates It.

I have a love-hate relationship with anticipation. I love it in theory. I hate it in practice.

When I was a kid, I wanted so much to be surprised by my Christmas and Hanukkah presents (we celebrated both). But every year, when my parents weren’t home, I’d sneak down to the basement, open the door to the weird little closet next to our second refrigerator, and unwrap and rewrap each gift to see what was coming. I couldn’t contain myself! The excitement was too much!

MWF Seeking BFF, by Rachel BertscheThat’s how I feel about this here book. With three and a half months until lift off, the pre-pub activity is just getting started. It’s a low—almost undecipherable—hum in my life right now. My hope is that by January it will be at full volume, taking over my life.

That’s right. I have no idea what to expect but my dream is a life in which I don’t even have time to sleep because book publicity is around the clock. You been-there-done-that authors might be shaking your head, thinking I should be careful what I wish for, but since I still pretty much have no idea what a book launch entails, it all sounds totally fahbulous to me. And though I know it will never ever be as glamorous as I imagined as a kid, or as busy as I am clearing my schedule for, it’s still fun to daydream. Except when it makes me crazy.

Basically, the waiting, the wondering, is killing me.

My grandfather used to say not to wish your life away. I get it. Living in the now and all that zen stuff. And I know I shouldn’t watch the days on the calendar, anticipating January 10 and wishing it would just get here already, but that’s easier said than done.

It reminds me of when I was a kid and obsessed with summer camp. During the year, I would count down the days until the first day of camp. And as soon as I got there, my best friend and I would start counting the days we had left, sad we had to leave before the summer had even gotten started.

Now that I see those words on the screen, it’s really quite crazy and melodramatic, isn’t it?

But yeah. These days, the majority of my energy is spent anticipating January. And that’s a 98% exciting feeling. Book parties! (Most likely thrown by mom, but still!) Readings! Seeing my labor of love on the shelves! Yup, 98% exciting and only 2% torturous.

Maybe 90-10.

80-20?

Like I said, it’s love-hate.

Basically, the whole thing is going to make me pee my pants with excitement. Or dread. Funny how they both make you pee.

26 Replies to “Deb Rachel Loves Anticipation. Except When She Hates It.”

  1. Hey, don`t knock parties thrown by moms – they have a vested interest in your success and are very proud creatures! I totally get where you`re coming from, Rachel. In fact, I`m right there with you, even though my book doesn`t come out until JUNE.

    And I totally get that waiting for summer camp thing – I do the same thing even now for holidays, almost sad when they start because they are over so soon.

    Do try to enjoy the ride, but make sure you buckle up!

    2. Oh Joanne, I don’t knock it. I can’t wait till my mom-sponsored party. It’s just not, you know, the parties that glamorous Carrie Bradshaw had. Though I wouldn’t wish for her life in 1000 years. So it’s a tradeoff. ‘

      And June will probably be here before you know it too!

  2. I’m with Joanne. Tooting our horns for our kids is a major parental responsibility; is it not? I have five adult children and I do a lot of tooting. (You may take this any way you please, and you’ll probably be right.)

    1. That was my kind of joke and made me giggle out loud. But yes, I’m pretty lucky in the mom category. She toots for me everywhere she goes!

    1. Thanks Kim! I must admit, I kind of have a crush on my cover. I had these visions of what it would be, and they came to me with something that was COMPLETELY not what I expected… but SO MUCH better. So I feel pretty grateful.

  4. I just love your cover! It’s going to make my bookshelf look so happy. 🙂

    These next few months are going to go by so fast. Enjoy the heck out of them! Even the 2% that’s torture is kind of exquisite, isn’t it?

    1. Thanks Linda. I’m so glad you like it. And yes, you make a great point. It’s that 2% that keeps us on our toes, and working hard, and it’s that feeling of dread that makes the anticipation really, um, sexy.

  5. Wow, Rachel. Just call you and me the Potty Debs. Me with my “bladders” and you with your “pee.”
    My children would be so proud.

    Linda is right that these months will FLY and you’ll be thinking, it’s NEVER going to pick up, never going to get going, but it does. I think what’s hard is the not knowing, and having so many preconceived ideas about what IT will feel like.

    To be honest, I am somewhat grateful to be on deadline right now to finish my second book just days before LITTLE GALE GUMBO comes out, because otherwise, knowing myself, I think if I didn’t have the distraction, I might be a mess. Heck, I might STILL be a mess for all I know and everyone’s too polite and loving to tell me.

    2. I love childish toilet humor. It’s very mature.

      That’s so great you have your second book so well underway. I’m still in the “thinking” stages on that. It would definitely be a welcome distraction! I can’t wait to hear all about yours.

      And for the record, as far as I can tell, no, you are not a mess.

  6. Every time this year I have had opportunity to complain about being overwhelmed, I have stopped and reminded myself that I am BLESSED to have all these things happening. So instead of telling you to be careful what you wish for, I will join you in wishing that you (and all the Debs!) will have absolutely no free time whatsoever, starting as soon as possible!

      1. High class problems for sure, if they even qualify as problems. I’d say that my tortuous anticipation isn’t really a problem, just something I can’t shake. Until February, when I’m wishing I could go back in time and be right here again….

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