The Bio I Wish I Had…Or Do I?

Bios we wish we had are all about regrets and unfulfilled ambitions. Luckily, I have plenty of both.  It turns out, I do regret the things I didn’t do more than the things I did—mostly.

Here are a few things I’d love to add to my bio:

 

1. Lara Lillibridge was brave enough to go with the stepsister she had never met on a burro-trip through the Grand Canyon when she was thirteen years old.

(Especially since the now-former-stepsister in question turned out to be a lovely woman with a delightful family. Also, burros are adorable.)

 

 

 

 

 

2. Lara Lillibridge finished her bachelor’s degree in four years (instead of 4 presidential administrations) and had the confidence to major in creative writing even though everyone said it was impractical. (Since we’re pretending here, let’s also say that she did thorough research and applied to more than one college.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

3. Lara Lillibridge could be mistaken for a real life Charlie’s Angel with her excellent martial arts abilities, sniper-quality shooting skills, great hair, and impeccable style. She can even walk far distances in high heels without complaining!

 

 

 

 

 

 

4. Lara Lillibridge accepted the scholarship she won to go to DisQuiet in Portugal in 2016. (for this one to work, Lara Lillibridge would also have to been braver, richer, and have a lot less social anxiety.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

But we assume that the road not taken would have been filled with daisies and sweet, ripe, raspberries. Backward glances and nostalgic regrets don’t factor in all the trouble that could have happened. These amazing bullet points could just have easily resulted in the following statements:

1. Unfortunately, Lara Lillibridge spent 9 mosquito-infested days in the Grand Canyon with four ill-tempered strangers she had never met before and didn’t particularly care for. Additionally, she contracted a wicked case of rump-rot, also known as burro-butt.

 

2. Yeah, there’s really no downside to finishing college on-time except that I would have met totally different people and wound up in a different place in life, and while I may not have married the men I did, I wouldn’t be sitting in this gorgeous log cabin right now next to my handsome SigO with two adore-worthy kiddos. I’d be someone else, somewhere else, and you can say what you will about my life choices, I wound up with some damn fine children, a fabulous man, and an amazing arm chair.

 

3. Lara Lillibridge permanently injured herself doing the sideways split, shot herself in the toe, and had to spend an unfortunate amount of time blow-drying her thick, gorgeous hair. No one bought her memoir because it didn’t seem believable or relatable.

 

4. Lara went to Portugal where she twisted her ankle on the picturesque cobble-stoned streets, stayed up all night with chronic anxiety, and missed her plane home, resulting in a 27 hour lay-over in an airport that had no decent vending machine. She wrote no new words, talked to no people, and also got bedbugs.

 

In sum, when we look back at what we wished we had done, we always assume it would have gone better. It quite easily could have gone a whole lot worse. Besides, my life isn’t over yet, and my bio can always expand to include new adventures and amusing mishaps.