I don’t tan. This is not from a healthy-I’m-avoiding-too-much-sun-exposure- approach. This is due to a tragic lack of ability. If I were able to tan I would head out, slather up and turn my hide a nice toasty brown.
My skin tone is more marshmallow than toasty. It isn’t from a lack of trying. In high school I wanted to have a tan for prom so I went every day for two weeks to a tanning salon. They gave me my money back. There was a sense the owner thought I was some kind of albino circus freak. Curse this Irish freckled skin!
Every year, without fail, I am fooled by self tanners. I want to believe that this is the year that with expensive product X I will fool the world into thinking I have a great tan. I have tried them all. I want to look like the models in the ads with the smooth evenly tanned skin. HA! I always end up looking like a marshmallow that wallowed in some orange tinted dye. No one is fooled. It makes me look, if possible, even more pathetic.
I even tried the spray on tan where you enter a booth and suddenly it is if you are in a car wash with dye shooting at you from all angles. What they neglect to mention is that you still have to rub it in and that is where the problem starts. Turns out I have a very uneven rub.
I have a friend from Jamaica who commented “I never get white people, you spend centuries keeping people with brown skin down and then spend all summer trying to be brown.” Easy for her to say what with that perfect year round tan colored skin.
Do you tan?
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