WELCOME TO PUB DAY!!!
I am so pleased to have you all here with me. For the curious, my schedule today looks something like this:
9:00 a.m. – Sleep in, allow husband to walk dog, then bring me Diet Coke in bed
10:00 a.m. – Kiss husband goodbye, check e-mail for all those FABULOUS congratulations e-mails
10:30 a.m. – Put on music that I love, Van Morrison and Lucinda Williams feel as though they’ll be perfect this morning. Get ready, leisurely, such a luxury these days.
11:30 a.m. – Pick up high-school friend, Montese, who has been gracious enough to agree to go to lunch and bookstore haunting with me. She will be patient, and she will be excited for me, and I am so pleased–and surprised at this pleasure– to be able to share this day with someone who knew me when I was still unformed and uncertain, though apparently she does not remember me that way. Perhaps we will have a glass of champagne at lunch.
4:30 p.m. – Reluctantly leave Montese, but grow excited again as I go home. There is no laundry to do, no yard work, no vacuuming. I will not unload a dishwasher, or hose off the patio. Instead, I will again put on music that I love– I’m thinking Elvis Costello, The Killers, and the White Stripes for the afternoon– and will relax on the patio and read a book that I’ve chosen simply because I WANT to read it.
5:30 p.m. – Get ready, leisurely again, for my husband to pick me up for dinner. He has a long day at work today, but he will leave a little early, because we have reservations at Ruth’s Chris for dinner at 7:00. I want the porterhouse (for 2, I can’t eat one by myself, even on such a special day!), the sweet potato casserole, and a rare glass of Caymus. I don’t care about the rest of the dinner; these are the things I want. Afterward, perhaps we will walk next door to the new Barnes & Noble and giggle over the New Paperbacks table.
9:30 p.m. – Arrive back home, put on more music I love — I’m thinking more Van, interspersed with some bluesy Eric Clapton and maybe a little Neil Young– and then explain to my husband how much his support means to me and how this would never…NEVER…have happened without him.
12:27 a.m. – Yep, I can time it down to the minute: I fall into bed.
So, that’s the plan anyway, and I think I can pull it off. I’ve already seen the book in two bookstores–Books-A-Million and Borders– so I think I’m sliding nicely into some sort of hazy satisfaction with it all right now. When I saw the book on the shelf I didn’t jump up and down, I didn’t scream or do a little dance. I think that perhaps my husband was a little worried, a little concerned that perhaps I’d grown too jaded over the years of working this dream to feel giddy and gleeful. But that’s not it.
Instead, what I feel is better. I see that book on the shelf or table, and I feel a deep, deep sense of satisfaction, of gratification and gratefulness. I feel hope. I feel calm and beyond petty worries for the moment. I feel…inevitable. Not invincible — I, of all people, know the odds of really striking it big — but as though I am exactly where I was always meant to be.
What joy there is in that, what innocent and pure pleasure.
It’s right there.
I’m ready for whatever comes next.
P.S. Thank you. Thank you for being there with me. Thank you to those who comment and those who have become such a surprising source of support and camaraderie. And thank you to those who don’t comment, but who simply read. I am profoundly, more than you can imagine, grateful to you. I hope to be as much of a support for you as you have been for me. If I could reach out and frighten you with a nearly painful hug I would…right…NOW!