As a longtime romance reader and lover of romantic comedies, for a long time I thought love, especially romantic love, was about big gestures. About Richard Gere climbing up the fire escape to Julia Roberts at the end of Pretty Woman. About Orlando papering the forest of Arden with love poems for Rosalind in As You Like It. About dancing and acrobats and lederhosen in Central Park in Enchanted.
But I have grown to realize it is not that.
Love is when we were doing a recycling drive at school and my mother asked the man in charge of the vending machines to save all the bottle caps for me.
Love is when J.C. went out in single-digit temperatures to get me soup to nurse my cold.
Love is when my friend Tammy texts me just to tell me to have a nice day.
Love is when I fall asleep on the couch and J.C. tries to wake me up once, and then just brings me a quilt and lets me sleep.
J.C. himself actually has a great way to describe this. He calls it “silent love”. Putting away the laundry when it’s not your turn, leaving the last bite of dessert, picking up dinner when it’s not fast-food night, changing the channel away from the thing you want to watch. And these are things that do not have to come from your partner – they can come from family or friends or anyone at all who loves you.
And while I’ve been lucky enough to have some grand gestures of love thrown at me in my time, those little examples of silent love are my favorites. String quartets and dancing ConEd workers (it’s in the video, just go with it) doves and roses are wonderful, but something about seeing that J.C. has taken the garbage out when I had promised I would gives me a feeling of exhausted gratitude and a rush of emotion far deeper than any of those “romantic” ideals.
What says silent love to you?
30 Replies to “Deb Eleanor on Silent Love”
Feeling better when he gets home than you did when he was gone.
That’s the best! Norm brings me coffee just the way I like it while I am still in bed!
What a sweetie! You should keep him.
That’s a good one – I love that feeling.
When I have to cancel plans (yet again) and my boyfriends stays in with me watching Buffy and buying me chocolate and ice cream and lets me cry on his shoulder. And when you consider that this is almost every day…that is love.
That is indeed – what a keeper. And thumbs up on the Buffy/chocolate/ice cream combination – that is about as good as a consolation prize gets.
Silent love is the best! My husband gets up and cooks me breakfast every Saturday and Sunday.
Wow – what a love! I used to often stay over at one friend’s house if we went out on a weekend night and the next morning would wake up to the smell of pancakes and sausage. I miss her!
The list of things my husband does for me is endless but one of the first images of silent love that popped into my head is how he makes sure my favorite mug (one he gave me many many years ago!) is really clean. It starts to get stained with coffee or tea or hot chocolate and I think hmm, I better soak it but of course, I don’t get around to it. And then, like magic, the next day it sparkles like it’s new. All without me ever saying one word. 🙂
That is a PERFECT example of silent love. Oh, give him a hug from me!
A knowing smile.
Ha! So true – knowing you are not alone is a great example of silent love.
Silent Love…I love that term. Coming home to dinner started, or a cleaned kitchen. Breakfast on Sunday(his only day off, too!)…so many things and after all these years it’s nice to think on them.
All those are lovely – and I’m so glad you’re thinking of them. We all probably need to think about them more!
I have a long list, too, but here’s a favorite: my husband usually stays up later than I do, reading in bed and stroking my head until I fall asleep.
That is SO sweet. I love having my head stroked, too – helps me fall asleep when I can’t and calms me down when I’m stressed. Adorable.
Awwwww. I love this. Mostly it’s just how easygoing Mr. BFR is on a weeknight when he gets home late and tired and I tell him that I’m still working and there is no dinner. He never questions, never complains, just makes a phone call and goes to pick up our dinner. I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to know he’ll take over when I’m swamped — even if he’s swamped too.
Yup – silent love is at its best when you are BOTH swamped. And I love it when you say Mr. BFR more than ANYTHING.
I love the little gestures. One of my favorites is when hubby will bring me hot chocolate when I’m sitting on the couch reading. He makes the best hot chocolate!
That is so sweet – please feel free to send him over with a cup anytime.
I love the idea of “Silent Love”. That is what love is really all about for me. It is when my partner gets up and feeds the pets on weekends, since I don’t have to work and can sleep in. It is when she brings home a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup when I am having a bad day, knowing that peanut butter and chocolate can cure almost anything. And last night, it was letting me have the last shrimp roll when we went out for Chinese.
Yes on all three – she’s a keeper and I adore you both.
What a beautiful post. I get very weird with food — I go through phases where I’m all about a handful of items, then that passes and I’m on to something new. I never think my husband notices as they switch… except when he goes shopping and I see whatever items are part of the current craze tucked neatly away in the pantry and fridge.
Perfect example of silent love! Yay Mr. Elise!
We always express graditude – Thanks for cooking dinner tonight! Thanks for wiping up the bathroom. Thanks for rocking our fussy baby half the night so I could sleep. (that was many years ago). Being thankful for the small daily gestures ensures we never take each other for granted.
I forgot to mention that, but yes, gratitude is such an important part of this – it’s what makes silent love feel even better. So happy you stopped by!
When my cat steals things from the neighbors’ yards and brings them in at 3 a.m. yowling with pride at the gift he’s brought me.
Wait, that’s not so silent.
But devoted, no?
Love this post.
Aww…thank you, Michelle.
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