By this I of course mean that he is a horror movie icon, one of those super evil villains that makes teen girls scream and grip bruises into their boyfriends’ arms. He’s the kind of guy who gets mobbed at Fangoria conventions, and has spooky action figures made of him.
In the interest of privacy, I won’t say who he is, but trust me, he’s big. And scary.
I had no idea about that when I moved in. I’m not a horror movie fan, so I didn’t recognize my neighbor for the star he is. He was just a guy who seemed nice, and we had the occasional neighborly chat which I enjoyed tremendously.
Then he revealed his true identity. And he gave me his movie to watch.
There’s a reason I don’t watch horror movies. THEY SCARE ME! I watched it all alone, late at night. The story made no sense, but my neighbor? Terrifying. There was this one scene where my scary-as-hell neighbor is looming over the bed of the main character, glaring down at him, arms outstretched as he prepares to drag the poor guy off to his hideous doom.
The next day, my grandmother came to visit for her birthday. We saw my neighbor, and in the light of day he was nowhere near as terrifying. I told him I’d watched his movie, and that he was terrific. We chatted a bit, I introduced him to my grandmother, he said happy birthday, we went our separate ways, and all was well.
Until that night.
It was a dark and stormy night.
Okay, it wasn’t stormy, but it was around two in the morning, so it was very dark. I was the only one awake in the house. I sat at my computer, my back to the window.
Then I heard a scratching immediately behind me, and my blood froze. My office window looks out to the front porch. If there was a scratching behind me, it could only be someone outside, perhaps trying to claw their way in.
My imagination is not always my friend, and this was a prime example. My heart started racing, because I suddenly sure — positive — that my terrifying neighbor was right there, right behind me, looming just like did in the movie.
I couldn’t look. I couldn’t bear to see what I knew was there.
But I had to look.
I turned… and he was right there!!!
Somehow I tamped down the bloodcurdling scream that rose up in my throat. The demon from next door hadn’t yet seen me, and I knew it would spell my doom if he did. I watched as he remained crouched over my window another moment, then stalked away into the night.
I took a few moments to catch my breath, then went to bed, lucky to escape with my life.
Once again, the morning light brought reason to my senses. I had a hunch… and I walked outside to the porch. I peeked inside my mailbox, which sits just outside my office window…
…and inside was a lovely Hallmark card, festooned with dancing flowers. It was addressed to my grandmother, wishing her a Happy Belated Birthday. Love, My Next Door Neighbor.
So much for my horrific brush with doom.
Anyone out there had any terrifying encounters that turned out to be nothing at all? Please share… if only to make me feel not quite so ridiculous.
Happy Halloween Week!