Hello loyal readers! My name is Kelly, and I’ll be your Wednesday Debutante. I recommend the soup.
I am thrilled to be here with my fellow 2013 Debs, a crowd so wild, so wonderful, that I am willing to give you the KELLY WIMMER™ guarantee* that this is going to be a fabulously epic year for The Debutante Ball. It’s humbling to be coming into a tradition of debutante bloggers that has included such canonical authors as Saul Bellow, Jonathan Franzen, Toni Morrison, and Eleanor Brown. What’s that you say? Toni Morrison wasn’t a Deb? Well. Maybe next year, Toni.
Now, I am faced with the obligation—nay, the privilege—of blogging every Wednesday for your edification, entertainment, and general enlightenment on the weekly topic, which has been chosen by a committee of great minds in a process that falls, in intricacy, somewhere between choosing a location for the next Olympics and picking the next pope.** And this week’s topic? WHERE WE WRITE.
I am pretty sure this topic was created with the idea that we would all be posting pictures of beautiful serene all-white offices with Aeron chairs and pops of color coming from Real Simple Brand organizational supplies. (If you are a person who has a full set of matching Real Simple Brand organizational supplies, available at your local Bed Bath and Beyond, please go away.)
Here’s the thing. I don’t have an office in my house. I don’t even have a desk shoved in the living room corner. I write on the couch. Sometimes I write on a loud upholstered chair near the couch. Sometimes I write in bed with one of those as-seen-on-TV computer trays hovering over me. Sometimes I write at the dining table, when, say, the couch is at the shop. But mostly, mostly, I write on the couch.
Further, and I realize that this is most unbecoming of a debutante, I have yet to meet a couch that is improved by the wearing of pants. So I sit on the couch, in BUPs (Big Unflattering Pants), stretch pants, or no pants at all, and tap away at my laptop until either I have one of those weird square laptop burns on my legs or my battery dies, whichever comes first.
But starting in just one week, my beloved little boy (shall be known as BLB henceforth even when he turns 14 and requests legal emancipation) starts toddler school. At toddler school they cover such important issues as “stop taking my truck away from me” and “can I have two trucks?” and “your truck looks cooler than my truck GIVE ME THE TRUCK.” It lasts for two and a half hours a day. During toddler school, due to logistical issues, I will be forced to do my writing at a coffee shop.
WHERE PANTS ARE MANDATORY.
Will I be able to write in pants? Will I develop pants-based writer’s block? Will I be arrested for indecent exposure at the local Starbucks?
Keep reading The Debutante Ball to find out.
*You should note that the KELLY WIMMER™ guarantee is not an actual guarantee, per se. I would compare it less to the sort of guarantee you get when you buy, say, a L.L. Bean backpack, and more like the sort of guarantee you might hear from someone with the name John Edward(s). That does not stop me from giving the KELLY WIMMER™ guarantee a lot, particularly before Wisconsin Badger football games.
**Not true. Deb Susan created the topic calendar from whole cloth while I drank wine and ate Cherry Cordial M&Ms.