If you’re a regular reader of my blog, Don’t Pet Me, I’m Writing, you already know I’m prone to doing dumb things.
If you aren’t a regular reader, allow me to tell you now – I’m prone to doing dumb things.
Fortunately, this allows me to offer useful advice based on my own missteps. Here are just a few nuggets of wisdom:
- When intentionally lighting your hands on fire, consider having a bucket of water nearby. (Full story here).
- Avoid shopping online while overindulging in Pinot Noir. Though surprises are nice, it can be alarming to receive a large painting shipped from Australia. It’s more alarming to receive the bill.
- If you’re sitting on the toilet and suddenly feel nauseous, aim away from your underpants. (Full story here).
- Do not stick a metal spoon in your glass blender unless you like the look of salsa on your ceiling and the crunch of glass shards in your huevos rancheros.
- If you help yourself to a large scoop of whipped cream at a professional luncheon, be certain it’s really whipped cream and not butter before shoving it in your mouth. (Full story here).
- When emailing a co-worker to make a snarky comment about the boss’s frequent tardiness, be certain the boss is not reading over the co-worker’s shoulder.
- If you accidentally wax off a hunk of your eyebrow and attempt to draw it back with eyeliner, avoid the green pencil. (Full story here).
There are at least six dozen more where those came from, but I figure those will be most useful for day-to-day life.
Have you learned any life lessons the hard way by doing dumb things? Can you offer good advice as a result?
If not, don’t worry – I’ve got it covered for all of us.
25 Replies to “Deb Tawna does dumb things so you don’t have to”
Here’s one! You might think you’re doing your waist a favor by dumping a nearly full pot of hot chocolate fondue down the kitchen sink… but please remember it won’t stay liquid goodness forever. Far too quickly it will harden and congeal, turning all your kitchen pipes into a giant chocolate mold that can’t be loosened without professional help.
Elise, OMG, I never would have thought of that! Thanks for the warning 🙂
Thanks for the chuckle this morning!! Tawna sounds like she’s a hoot!
bermudaonion, as a romantic comedy author, I find I’m funniest when I’m not trying to be 🙂
J.C. totally did the butter thing, except he thought it was a slice of cheese. To be fair, it was sold as part of a “cheese plate”.
The look on his face was priceless.
Yeah, nothing like swallowing a giant blob of melting butter to wake you right up!
LOL! May I book you as entertainment for our next party? If I promise to label the food? 😉
Linda G, sure thing! I charge $1000 an hour, plus all the butter I can eat. When do you want me?
How often do you “wax off a hunk”?
Patrick, I try to “wax off a hunk” at least a couple times a day, sometimes more on weekends.
I line all trash cans with plastic grocery bags in case of an uptown downtown GI emergency. That way you can… well, you get the point. Oh, Patrick, that was GOOD. Now, define “wax.” 🙂
Kim, alas, there were no trash cans handy. I was in the school bathroom on my last day of 8th grade. I’m still traumatized.
Oh, Tawna, I’m so glad you are here for our entertainment and edification.
Jen, I live to amuse you 🙂 Well, and everyone else.
Tawna, I may be developing a girl crush on you. You are too funny!
Once, while out on a semi-blind date (I was tipsy at our first meeting and didn’t recall the guy) I tried to be suave and light a Kool menthol cigarette. I smelled something awful and hoped it wasn’t my date. After a moment a searing pain led to the discovery that my Lee press-on nail was on fire.
Sarah, that’s freakin’ hilarious about the press-on nail! What did you do?
Okay…if you’re going to decide to perform some physical feat you’ve never even attempted before, do it near something soft, or at least wait until you’re alone to do it. Falling in the cookie bin in the grocery store in front of your best friends, is NOT the best time to click your heels.
OR! If you’re going to a restaurant where you can goop on all the condiments you want, be sure it really is mayonnaise you’re drowning your sandwich in and NOT horseradish. Bleurgh
Danica, oh dear. I’ve gotta admit, I might like the horseradish thing!
Really, Tawna? Really?! If true, do be careful!!!
Larramiefg, which feat are you wondering about (or was that just a general, “Tawna, if you’re this screw-up prone, you really shouldn’t be allowed out of the house”?!)
Uptown, Downtown GI emergency is now in my vocabulary forever.
Tawna, I think you and I might be soul sisters.
If you decide while you’re all alone to let out a nice satisfying manly belch, make sure no one is standing around the corner. My grandmother would have been appalled, well brought up young ladies just don’t do that in public even if they are alone. I got the giggles and had to go find a place to hide until I stopped laughing and crying.
KD Easley, nice one on the belching! I shall keep that in mind forever.
One thing I like about knowing you Tawna is I have finally found a kindred soul in the “in hindsight, not such a brilliant move” department. 🙂
Tawna, I dunked the flamin’ nail in a cup of beer. Classy!
I easily forget the dumb things I do until my wife reminds me. But not the dumb things others do.
My dad was a kid at the time as when juice came in a can. His friend stuck the can top in his mouth to lick it and cut both sides of his mouth. At every opportunity his friends would try to get him to laugh so the cuts would never heal.
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