Deb Tawna is grateful for Black Friday lunatics

Yesterday was Thanksgiving, a day of peace, joy, and gratitude.

Today is Black Friday, a day on which it is socially acceptable to punch a stranger in the throat to save two bucks on a Snuggie™.

The Mangroomer™ do-it-yourself back hair shaver, a must-have item on your holiday shopping list.

I’m always fascinated by the irony of it. One day you’re sharing hugs and pumpkin pie, the next you’re elbowing strangers in the teeth to get the last Mangroomer™.

Several years ago I watched a woman try to cut in line at an electronics store. From the crowd’s reaction you would have thought she’d dismembered a baby harp seal in the parking lot. I learned several new curse words and then watched the mob break into joyful applause when the line-cutter was ceremoniously escorted from the store.

I love a bargain as much as the next person, but my enthusiasm for Black Friday shopping tends to wane once I’ve made my ritual 5 a.m. appearance at Fred Meyer to gorge myself on donut holes and buy enough half-price socks to outfit a small Arctic village.

Then I like to people watch. I’ve occasionally driven around town just to get a glimpse at the crazy lines and the weary shoppers hunched in freezing rain as they teeter under the weight of eight Elmo dolls.

I’ll admit I’ve participated in the madness before. I once maneuvered through an unwieldy mob by crawling on the floor to nab a $10 DVD player. For the most part though, I’d rather be a spectator rather than a participant. There’s really no better source of material for a comedy writer than watching someone steal reindeer boxer shorts from someone else’s shopping cart.

Do you participate in the Black Friday madness? What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever witnessed? Please share.

I have to go kick someone in the kneecap to get a pair of cashmere socks.

12 thoughts on “Deb Tawna is grateful for Black Friday lunatics

  1. there’s an iApp that tells you every store, every category, every sale on Black Friday. Just for you Tawna!

    I have hated shopping since I was a kid. I still do. I write about how Mark and I switched genes on that one. He loves to shop. I will buy 90% of my gifts online and the other 10% at the charming local independent drug store with the nice gift selection. And some food gifts imported from Italy at Porricelli’s grocery store in our town. So that’s 110% and I stink at math too.

    You haven’t lived until you’ve been in the Filene’s basement bridal gown sale. No dressing rooms. Thousands of designer gowns. The line forms 1000 deep and they open the doors. The brides go ballistic grabbing, hoarding, trying on (demure virgins need not attend) and leaving with an armful of $2000 gowns for $200.

    Happy Black Friday – shop online!

  2. Ack. Gawd, no. To me, Black Friday is all about snuggling down with a good book, sipping hot tea to try to soothe my overstuffed tummy, and secretly snickering at all those crazed shoppers who actually leave their houses. Enjoy your sock shopping! I’ll just be over here, snickering softly. 😉

  3. Now I’m all nervous that my Snuggie was obtained via a throat-punch to a stranger. Must check on that.

    I’m with Kim – hate shopping, avoid it as much as possible, especially on days where there are likely to be crowds. Last year we did go to an electronics store late in the day to pre-shop for a new TV (which we bought a year later. In a different state.), but generally I think we will be avoiding commerce today.

    Tomorrow, however, is Small Business Saturday, which is a day I can get behind. I’ll be at my local independent bookstore, Tattered Cover, stocking up on presents. For other people. Right.

    • I actually spotted a big rack of Snuggies when I was out this morning. I throat-punched a stranger just for you.

      Tawna

  4. I avoid Friday after Thanksgiving shopping if at all possible! Usually, I need to run to the feed store for horse food, but that’s not a mob of crazy shoppers. The kids (adult college students) did go out at midnight to wait for a 4am opening to obtain a 40″ HDTV. From the box now on my dining room table, they appear to have been successful.

    I did make a run to an ATM this morning (for teh other college student heading back to school this morning) and a grocery store. Nice quiet places, no crowds. The parking lots for the Kohls and Fred Meter I passed were packed.

    The rest of the day can now be spent with warm tea, books to read and stories to edit.

  5. I’m with Kim — SHOP ONLINE! I did spend one Black Friday, 6am until around 10pm, at The Court and Plaza at King of Prussia, which is I believe the largest mall on the east coast. Or at least it was at the time. My sister and I went together, and the whole experience left me more exhausted than any marathon, illness, or childbirth.

    I did, however, get a kick-ass suit from INC that looked gorgeous on me. And it was a bargain!

  6. Um…I stayed in my jammies all day. I’ll just have to cross my fingers that the crazies will be out when I’m frantically trying to finish shopping on December 24th. Because, I too, am all about the crazies…

  7. Ha! This is why I never, ever, ever shop on Black Friday. Saving $5 is a great, but at what cost? I, like Amanda, stay in my PJs all day the day after T-day. I’m also doing all of my shopping online this year. Bah Humbug! 🙂 xo

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