A Life of Crime by Deb Mia

Hmmm, crimes I’ve committed … I’m afraid those records have been permanently sealed. But never fear — crimes are committed daily in our household, with me as the primary culprit.

Here’s an example:

Husband: “You said you would be on the computer for an hour. You’ve been blogging or grogging or whatever it is you do, for five!”

Me: “I’m trying to build my literary career! Is that a crime?”

Or:

Husband: “Who ate the last chocolate mint brownie? I was saving that brownie! I’ve been looking forward to it ALL DAY!”

Me (hastily brushing crumbs from my lap): “I think the baby ate it. In fact, I’m quite sure.”

Or:

Six-Year Old Daughter: “Do I have to do my math? Math is boring. So is English. Do we have to do homeschool today?”

Me (still bent over the computer, blogging or grogging or whatever it is I do): “Nah. Go watch some TV. And take your baby brother. And get both of you a snack. And get me one too, while you’re at it.”

Or:

Accountant: “I’m not sure that new Kenneth Cole bathing suit can be considered a business expense.”

Me: “Are you kidding? This is for my Hawaii photo shoot to help promote my book. It’s not like I want to go to the beach – it’s just your run-of-the-mill marketing expense. Oh, and don’t forget the La Blanca wrap that goes with it.”

Yup, evading CPS, the IRS, and occasionally my husband is all in a day’s work over here. I know — it’s hardly criminal. At least, that’s what I tell my parole officer …

And in other news, I think I may have found a new lit agent! Details to follow after Mercury in Retrograde passes and I sign the contract. Better safe than sorry …

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14 thoughts on “A Life of Crime by Deb Mia

  1. I LOL’d at the homeschooling one… As a homeschooling mom, I have SO been there!

    Too funny. The whole thing is just…. snort, giggle…

  2. I commit the last brownie crime regularly. My daughter actually has to hide cookies and such in her bedroom. I’ve been known to ransack. I laughed at the image of you at your computer, telling the kids to forage. All mother writers must be guilty of that one!

  3. What evil lurks within these computers that makes us do whatever it is we do and eventually leads to a life of crime? Wait, let’s blame it all on Mercury in retrograde! 🙂

  4. Yep… when I homeschooled (my kids are all grown now) I was guilty of that one. And.. thanks for the candy bar 🙂 I’m saving it in the freezer ’til after Lent 🙂

    Let us know AS SOON AS the papers are signed!

  5. That sounds like me some days! I’m also quilty of buying myself a bag of chocolate and hiding it from everyone else and one of my children will find a wrapper and whine about how I didn’t share any with them. I refuse to feel bad because every year at Christmas they are well compensated! LOL!

  6. Ha! Love this, Mia 😀 And I know all that you do for your family, so you HAVE that last brownie and get yourself another new Cole suit while you’re at it!

  7. The brownie crime is priceless but I’ve got to say I really relate to the accountant conversations. Why can’t I seem to find an accountant who understands that I only buy all these clothes because my career demands it?!

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