Don’t Say Deb Linda Didn’t Warn You

Linda Grimes

 

WARNING: Use caution when approaching Deb Linda. Cover your ears and hide your eyes as necessary, and for God’s sake, if you give her a martini…watch out!

Around my house, we call the second martini a “mar-titty,” because, like breasts, one is not enough and three are too many. I like ’em straight up and dirty. (The martinis, that is, not the… never mind.)

Um, yeah. If Debs were named like Spice Girls, I’d probably be Naughty Deb. Or maybe Bawdy Deb.

 

 

You may have seen me around the web in my other incarnation.

Don’t worry. I don’t really smoke cigars. I just like holding them, and waving them around a little. It helps keep the mosquitos away. (That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.)

It’s not that I can’t be suave and sophisticated. I can channel my inner Grace Kelly when the occasion warrants – I’m an ex-actress, after all – but it’s more fun to let loose and laugh a little. Okay, a lot.

On the humor scale, I’d say I’m a (narrow) notch above “pull my finger” and *cough* somewhat farther below “how droll.”

 

 

 

It’s true that I’m easily amused by signage:

 

Look, I can’t help it if I grew up speaking double entendre as a second language. I repressed it for years when my children were small and impressionable. But they’re grown now (and brilliant, if I do say so myself), so all bets are off.

(Why, yes, I did marry and give birth quite young. If I recall correctly, I was ten*.)

Anyway, I figure it’s my turn to embarrass them. Though my daughter claims being married to a Navy pilot makes her un-embarrassable. Bwah-ha-hah! We’ll see about that.

When I was having a panic attack about what in the heck to write for my first official Deb post, I asked some of my friends on Twitter to “twinterview” me. @scwine wanted to know about my book and my writing process.

Well, @scwine, In a Fix is light urban fantasy. Not sure what that is? Think of what you’d get if urban fantasy had a fling with romantic comedy – a funny-looking LUF child! (Sorry. Punning is one of my many weaknesses.) My MC, Ciel Halligan, is an aura adaptor – basically, she can project the appearance of anyone, once she obtains a little of their energy. Being an altruistic soul, she wants to use her ability to help people. And make money. (What? There’s no law that says you can’t make money while you’re helping people, is there?) Of course, that rarely works out the way she plans. Good thing, too. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have a plot.

You can find out more about In A Fix by clicking on my tiny head at the top of the page, last one on the right.

As for my writing process…well, I like to think of it as interactive reading. I pretend I’m reading a book that has me excited to turn the page, and then just fill in what I’d love to see happen next. The best part is, I’m the boss! (I suspect most authors have a bit of control freak in them. )

@JentheAmazing asked “If your house were on fire, which bottle of wine would you save?”

Excellent question, Ms. Amazing. Here’s your answer:

Because you can’t be a good writer if you’re not well read, and Well Red wine is close enough for me. A glass of this and a good book, and I’m set.

If I can be serious for just a moment…I feel honored to be taking a spin around the dance floor with such an amazing group of fellow writers this year. Joanne, Erika, Molly, and Rachel – I can’t wait to kick up my heels with you guys!

I had a blast hanging out around here in the comments section for the 2011 Debs – they’re the best! – and I’m looking forward to getting to know the Deb readers this year.

 

*Okay, that’s a lie — I wasn’t ten. I’m obviously the oldest Deb in the bunch this year. Guess that makes me Den-Mother Deb. But don’t worry – I have a juvenile enough sense of humor to make up for it.

87 Replies to “Don’t Say Deb Linda Didn’t Warn You”

    1. After careful consideration, I think it may just be possible to comply with your suggestion. 😉

      I can only hope the Deb readers will join me in a libation. (Er, unless they’re reading in the morning, that is. Then I suspect they should stick with coffee or tea, or maybe some nice cocoa. Unless they’re really hardcore…)

  4. I know you’re not going to believe this, but I’m not much of a drinker (I know – you’re wondering wtf was behind my deb picture if it wasn’t alcohol). However, I do like my coffee with Bailey’s on occasion, so here’s to you, Linda! *raising the big mug o java and booze*. Thanks for the Friday morning laugh, and here’s to many more over the next year!

    1. Nah, I believe you. I figured it was “whimsy” behind your picture on Monday. Okay, okay…so I thought maybe alcohol-induced whimsy, but whatever. We’ll go with plain whimsy if you insist.

      And Bailey’s in coffee? YUM! I’m there with you. *clinks mugs* Cheers!

  6. I’m so happy to find out a little about your book, you’ve been strangely silent about it on your blog (unless I just haven’t found the magic button to click on.) <—– Couldn't resisit, soz.

    Yaaay for the 2012 Debs… Can't wait to read more!

    1. I guess I really should put a magic book button on my blog now. I think I haven’t talked about it all that much there because I didn’t want to jinx it. (Moi? Superstitious? Just a tad. *grin*)

  7. Now, Linda, darling–as my husband is fond of reminding me, one is never an EX-actress. Once an actress, always a…well, we know.

    You have indeed raised the bar for Fridays–whew! I was getting a little nervous that your bawdy Fridays would be upstaged by our first week banter–clearly, I had no cause to fear. You, dear, are indeed our resident Spice Girl! Can’t wait for the next year’s worth of your wonderful humor and fun. And I also can’t wait for IN A FIX!

    Here’s to Fridays and early cocktail hours with Deb Linda!(Now, just how early is early? I am married to a New Orleanian, after all…)

  9. Aw, thanks. I’ll definitely drink to early Friday cocktail hours! I’ll leave the definition of “early” to each individual. 😉

    I only hope you’ll enjoy IN A FIX half as much as I’m currently enjoying LITTLE GALE GUMBO — you, my dear, are a superbly entertaining writer.

    Now all I need to figure out is how to cram more reading hours into my day. When I was a kid, I used to fantasize about having a “stop time” button I could push, so I could gorge on books to my heart’s content. Hmmm. Come to think of it, I still fantasize about that. *grin*

    Here’s to the start of fantastic year!

    1. Thank you, Linda…

      And I know all about the time-stop button wishing. As we get older it becomes even more desirable, doesn’t it? As kiddos we had all the time in the world to gorge, as you say, on books–and we didn’t even know it!

      1. Ah, those were the days! Summers were endless. Though I used to have to sneak away from my friends, who wanted to go swimming and all sorts of other outdoor activities, just to get in a little quality reading time. I was the only real bookworm in my neighborhood crowd.

  11. I love the wine name! I remember seeing one recently called Mad Housewife – so charming.

    And extra props for using the word “droll” – totally underused.

    I’m so glad we’re finishing off the week with you this year – happy Friday!

    1. Mad Housewife? LOL! I may have to put a bottle of that in my wine rack. I think all racks should be entertaining as well as useful. 😉

      I was a little nervous about taking the Friday slot, especially after reading all my sister-Debs’ wonderfully witty posts. Eek. Talk about tough acts to follow. I know they’ll be keeping me on my toes this year!

      And thanks again for all your wonderful Deb guidance. I don’t think any of us could have done it without you. 🙂

      1. I always felt bad for Tawna because she had to find a new angle on an issue the rest of us had already explored, but being Tawna, she always did, and I’m sure you will be just as wonderful!

        I’m happy to help – I hope your year goes beautifully!

        1. I dunnoh. Tawna has some big…um, shoes…to fill. Don’t know how I’ll, er, stack up, over the long haul. But I’m sure going to do my best!

  13. Oh. Hell. Yes.

    The laugh out loud brilliance of Friday is maintained!!!!

    I have a picture of a high school friend and I posing in front of a sign in Paoli, PA for a towing company: the Main Line Hooker Service.

  15. Is it any wonder that when I signed Linda as a client, I said, “I have this other client–her name is Tawna–I just know the two of you will get along.” And then in more conversations I’d say, “I know I keep mentioning Tawna and I’m really sorry, I don’t normally talk about clients with other clients, but I can’t seem to stop myself. I just feel like you two have to meet or talk or something!” And of course the same thing was happening during my conversations with Tawna. Finally (just to shut me up I think), the two of you emailed or talked or something, and lo and behold a love match was made.

    I’m so glad you are here on Fridays, Linda. Looks like another wonderful group of Debs. My week has been insane but I can’t wait to get to know all of them. But I know I can count on you to make me laugh at the end of my frazzled week (note how I assume that every week will always be frazzled. Please do something about that if possible.)

    You rock!! Can’t wait to read your posts leading up to your AWESOME debut!!!!

    2. Hi Michelle! *waves madly* Never apologize for mentioning Tawna to me — she’s one of the great things that has come out of my relationship with you. (That, and yannoh, a two-book deal. *grin*) You are not only a fantastic agent, but also a great CP matchmaker.

      I’ll do my best to continue the Fine Fenske Tradition of providing you with your end-of-the-week laugh. 😀

    1. Aw, thanks, Jen. I only hope can measure up. If I get stuck, I may just have to call Tawna and ask for an emergency dirty double meaning. 😉

  20. I suspect that if my house catches fire a bottle of wine was already involved. But two places to see a little bit of Linda (or a lot, depending on who’s taking the pictures for your posts) on Friday now, sweet!

    1. LOL! Well, bear in mind this is a family blog. We can “entendre” all we like, but I think we’re supposed to keep clothes on. 😉

  22. i suspect this is the first time a debutante has shown up with a cigar in hand. i have a feeling this blog, and us readers, will never be the same again.

    and we’ll like it!

  24. I’m surprised you wouldn’t grab TG if a fire came along. Still, that is one very pretty bottle of wine. I wonder where it’s bottled because a case of that at a reading would be delightful.

  25. I love you. You crack my shit up and I love your dirty sense of humor. Congrats on your first post Deb Linda! <3

    "Because you can’t be a good writer if you’re not well read, and Well Red wine is close enough for me. A glass of this and a good book, and I’m set."

    I don't think I'm "Well Red" enough.

    1. Madeline, you sound like my kind of woman — one who appreciates wine and punning! Thanks for reading and commenting. And, yannoh, not groaning too loudly. 😉

    1. Judy, I can’t see your name without thinking of Cary Grant. This is not a bad thing. And you’re welcome to quote my writing “wisdom” (such as it is) whenever you like.

  28. Fantastic first post, Linda! I’ve been following you on twitter for a while now but never knew what genre you wrote. Now that I do, I can’t wait until it comes out! Sounds fantastic!

    1. Thanks so much! I’ll likely start talking more about IN A FIX the closer to publication we get. You might be sick of hearing about it before next summer. *grin*

  30. How do I love you? Let me count the ways? Let’s see, you are from Texas! You love red. You are freakin funny (your humor reminds me of Deb Tawna), and you find great photos to support your thoughts (as dirty as they may be).

    Looking forward to learning more about you. I do have a confession. I have never, ever, ever read fantasy. Ever. I guess it’s time for learning new things.

    1. Hi, Missy Olive! Thank you. 🙂

      I hope I can convert you to fantasy, at least the light urban kind. Okay, at least MY book. Really, you’ll hardly notice it’s fantasy at all, I promise. There are NO UNICORNS. OR DRAGONS. (Not that there’s anything wrong with unicorns or dragons.) Just normal, run-of-the-mill people who happen to be able to change their appearance. Who wouldn’t want to be able to do that?

      1. Sweet! That is definitely not fantasy! changing appearance is REAL LIFE. That is why we have heels, push up bras, false eye lashes, etc.

        P.S. and I see that you have been reading other deb’s posts. you called me MissyOlive. I LOVE IT!

        1. See, I never really think of it as “fantasy,” either — it all seems perfectly real to me. Wasn’t even sure that was what it was until my editor told me.

          And, yeah, of course I read the other Debs’ posts — they rock! And so do the commenters. 🙂

    1. Doh! I accidentally replied to you in the new comment box instead of directly. (Still getting used to WordPrss.) Anyway, with your name, you should feel right a home here! 🙂

  34. If you’re the Den Mother, I’m dying to see your scouts. I imagine them making some very naughty pinewood derby cars…..

    Speaking of naughty, a good friend of mine used to work at Linoleum Dick’s. *giggle*

  35. Woo HOO! You DID it! You absolutely nailed the PERFECT tone to introduce yourself to the new readers on this site. It’s gonna be a wild and wonderful ride. Congrats. (and why, yes, I’d love a glass of that wine … as my husband used to say, it’s 5 o’clock SOMEWHERE …

  36. Linda, I’ve been enjoying your humor and blog for quite some time now. Of course, you never disappoint so how could you be worried? Another great post which reflects the awesome that is you! The more I hear about In A Fix, the more I hate to wait…grr. Ok, guess I’ll have to. I suppose I’m used to it. I am a writer after all;)

    1. Hi Michele! Worry is what I do best. I’ve honed my worry skills to perfection. And, yes, waiting is another skill all writers are forced to master, whether they like it or not. It comes with the territory, alas.

  38. OH, YES! At last someone else who is bawdy and not afraid to say so. I may have just met my soul-sister. Unlike you, I actually HAVE smoked cigars, and cigarettes (which took their toll since I’m now on supplemental oxygen), and even a pipe. I love a good pun and randy innuendoes.
    Bring it on, girlfriend, and enjoy your reign.

    1. Howdy, Gayle Lin! Thank you for the warm welcome. You sound like a woman who enjoys life, damn the torpedoes and full speed ahead. Hope to see you around here a lot. 🙂

    1. Nah, you’re not late. It’s an open house ball — you stop by when you can, and stay as long you like. 🙂

      Re my writing process: guess time will tell!

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