How Deb Tawna writes a blog post on procrastination

6: 26 p.m. Open Word document and type headline.

6:27 p.m. Check to see if new email has arrived in the last 30 seconds.

6:31 p.m. Notice Tweetdeck signaling incoming tweet from agent. Compose witty 140-character reply.

6:36 p.m. Return to Word document and stare at blank page. Determine cursor blinks once per second.

6:42 p.m. Look down to see hairball on cat’s butt. Locate scissors and conduct impromptu grooming session.

6:56 p.m. Visit medicine cabinet for band-aids and anti-bacterial ointment to treat fresh scratches on forearm.

6:59 p.m. Return to computer to discover boring screen saver has kicked on. Browse system for more interesting one. Settle on delightful pattern of bubbles.

7:08 p.m. Click back to Word document and type eight words. Erase four.

7:13 p.m. Remember it’s been several days since last visit to critique partner’s blog. Log on to read new post and leave thoughtful comment.

7:21 p.m. Refill ice water.

7:24 p.m. Check email.

7:26 p.m. Hear cat hurking in hallway. Rush to clean it up before dog eats it.

7:35 p.m. Return to Word document and write three sentences. Delete one.

7:42 p.m. Notice basil plant on desk looks droopy. Pour ice water in it.

7:43 p.m. Return to kitchen to refill ice water. Opt for wine instead.

7:47 p.m. Decide open bottle of Pinot Gris is unpalatable. Open Petit Verdot instead. Begin hunting for decanter.

7:55 p.m. Return to computer with wineglass in hand. Briefly ponder whether fellow Debutante Ball authors would be dismayed by on-the-job drinking.

7:59 p.m. Head back to kitchen for cheese and crackers to absorb wine.

8:03 p.m. Return to office to find cat sleeping on keyboard. Remove cat and determine Debutante Ball post has been erased.

8:08 p.m. Refill empty wine glass.

8:13 p.m. Try to recall this week’s blog topic. Contemplate writing about Komodo dragons.

8:15 p.m. Google Komodo dragons.

8:26 p.m. Realize simple blog post has now taken two hours.

8:32 p.m. Consider giving up writing career to become an astronaut.

19 thoughts on “How Deb Tawna writes a blog post on procrastination

  1. Until I got to the first wine item line item, I was reading all of these as a.m. posts. In fairness, your posts go up at the crack of dawn in my time zone so it’s the middle of the night in yours. But then I did a double take and saw that it was night. I’m glad we’re not going to have to have a talk. Drinking alone, fine, you’re a writer. Drinking alone at 7am might require me to call Pythagoras. Hey, maybe I should pretend I didn’t notice the PM. *Heads off to call Pythagoras*

    • Michelle, know what’s funny? I actually have a very strict rule about never posting a blog if I’ve had anything at all to drink, even just a few sips of wine. Yes, I know I just admitted to taking a little creative liberty with this blog post. I did google Komodo dragons though.

      Tawna

      • It’s too late to convince me with your “strict rules.” I’m calling Pythagoras and we’re having a long talk. I don’t think we’re going to talk about you though. We may talk about some of his pictures that have appeared on your blog.

      • Michelle, I had the exact same am/pm moment of drunken-Tawna awe. I also choose to pretend I didn’t hear Tawna’s no drinking while blogging admission. I like keeping the illusion alive!

  2. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA- thanks for my a.m. laugh. I, too, have a tendency to check my e-mail every thirty seconds when procrastinating, in case something “interesting” arrived.

    • Jonita, the silly thing is, there really are no important messages I’m waiting for. It’s not like when I was waiting to hear from my agent on a submission and I had an actual reason to neurotically check email.

      Tawna

    • Linda G, I know, I know…but like I said, it wasn’t very good wine. I ended up pawning it off on a friend who visited that very evening.

      Tawna

  3. The part about this post that caught my attention the most was the cat hurking in the hallway and having to rescue it before the dog picked it up. Oh yes, I’ve been there many, many times. *shudder*

    • Hey, the hurking is no worse (maybe even less “worse”) than the other favorite dog treats: “kitty cannolis”… For the uninformed, these are little rolls which are coated, not, as with their namesakes, in powered sugar but in kitty litter. Ah yes, the joy of critters. (Credits for the name to my good friend Kath…)

      For those who live with dogs and inside cats (who have boxes) — sometimes when you think the dog has farted, you really need to check the front end. It may actually have been a “cannoli binge”. I discovered this, when my very happy pooch bounced up onto the couch one day and gave me an enormous waft of “poop breath”. TIP: giving the dog another kind of treat may take care of the “fart breath”..

      Ah, well, nuff proscrastination, back to the grant proposal.

      PS: I too read the times as “a.m.” — but hey, I have lived so long in Europe that, well, the rules on wine are little more liberal, so I wasn’t shocked. Besides, what would Sunday breakfast be without a glass of chilled champagne, or at least a mimosa if’n you wanna pretend to be healthy…

    • Larramiefg, as a romance author, I feel like I should make a risqué joke about “lift off,” but I will refrain.

      Tawna

    • Jen, I’m really digging the bubbles. Almost makes me want to let the computer fall asleep just so I can watch them.

      Tawna

  4. LOL–Tawna, this post read like an hour in my life. Love that we all go through the same processes now and then. xoxo

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