I grew up in Denver, Colorado where it never failed to snow on Halloween night. Which means, most of my Halloween memories involve my brother and me, wet and miserable, tromping along in three inches of sidewalk slush, moping because we had to wear our coats over (or worse, under) our costumes. Again.
I still love Halloween. I just like it better in Florida.
And now, a word from our sponsors:
Last night I saw a TV commercial that caused such a reaction in me that I nearly snorted lemonade right out of my nose. Let me remind you, I spent eight years as an advertising copywriter, so this feat is nearly impossible. And yet, it happened.
The commercial opens with a man in his pajamas alone in his double bed, and he is WAY over on one side of the bed.
Then, we cut to the bathroom, where a lonely “HIS” towel hangs forelornly on the rack, the matching “HERS” towel apparently packed up by the former Mrs. when she took the kids and moved in with her mother. Then, we hear the voice of Mr. Lonely Towel Guy saying, “after the divorce, I didn’t know how I was going to get back out there…”
Cut (immediately!) to a scene after the man formerly known as Mr. Lonely Towel Guy has apparently discovered the miracle that is JUST FOR MEN hair color: he is cruising along in a jeep alongside a giggling Bikini Babe, his newly refurbished hair whipping in the wind.
After some time bouncing around on the beach, and a bit of frolicking with Bikini Babe where Mrs. Lonely Towel Guy used to sleep, it’s clear all of Mr. Lonely Towel Guy’s troubles are over:
The hair dye has actually healed the pain from his divorce, in just FIVE MINUTES!
Don’t you fret, towel boy, I’m sure it wasn’t your impending midlife crisis, or your incessant whining, or the fact that you left your toenail clippings under the recliner every Sunday night that caused the rapid decline of your marriage — IT WAS YOUR HAIR! The former Mrs. Lonely Towel Guy just couldn’t take it any more!
Good GAWD, when you marry a man, for better or for worse, till death do us part, the LAST thing you expect is for his hair to turn gray! Am I right ladies?
If only you’d discovered that little box of magic a bit sooner.
And the tagline? Stay In The Game! That’s right, brothers of Mr. Lonely Towel Guy, the only thing standing between you and a hot Bikini Babe is a $7.99 box of hair dye. I recommend “Macho Man Mocha.” It’s just your style.
But maybe I should give Mr. Lonely Towel Guy a break: He’s sad, his wife left him, he still can’t sleep in the middle of the bed, he has to use that damned “HIS” towel every day because his wife took all the good linens, and he feels like crap. Maybe he just needs a little pick-me-up-in-a-box and the love of a stranger to get himself through the night.
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