Well, I haven’t gone off topic for a while and given that I’m leaving for New York in just a few hours and my usual pre-flight did-I-pack-right-will-my-cats-go-on-hunger-strikes-with-me-gone-and-what-if-I-get-strip-searched-at-the-airport level of anxiety making me draw a complete blank on the topic of wind, I figured I’d write a bit about the way my life has changed since my book came out.
In short, it hasn’t.
I don’t mean this to sound remotely embittered. I just mean that we’re all sort of conditioned to think that when something we’ve worked toward for a long time happens, our lives will suddenly be unrecognizable from the way they were.
For many years I was the person who thought THIS thing or THAT accomplishment would be the experience that would catapult me into some fourth dimension of wonderfulness, only to always learn that that never ever happens. I mean, maybe it does if you’re The Devil Wears Prada girl, but none of my evil bosses have ever been famous. Nevertheless, in my experience, even thoroughly fantastic things don’t bring about sudden, spontaneous change. It’s only when I’m looking back that I can see the subtle shifts that were a result of whatever the thing was that I once thought would bring me everlasting glee. Oh and also true happiness doesn’t come from anything external since it’s not about what happens to us but how we handle it.
Or maybe it’s just book two where everything changes?
I can understand your sense that life hasn’t really changed much for you, but has your success changed the attitude or behavior of those around you?
Lisa posed my question, Anna. It’s difficult to believe that now, as a published author with such glowing reviews, that you wouldn’t garner more attention, respect or admiration?
No, you’re right. If you catch yourself thinking, “If I could just _____” or “As soon as I get _________”, “my life will be _________”, then it’s time to take a step back. It’s useful to know why you want something and where it could take you, but it will not make you (or me) complete, perfect, or any more loved, nor will it make your life (or mine) complete, perpetually happy, or entirely satisfactory. Planning and goals are great, but a lot of the joy is in the journey. So enjoy wherever you are now – or change it – instead of pinning all your hopes on your next achievement or status change.
There is definitely something slightly anticlimactic about the whole publication hoopla, not in a bad way, but it just doesn’t necessarily match up to the dream of publication that some of us have had for years. And years. Being in Hawaii kept me far removed from everything, and I didn’t even see my book on a shelf until almost 2 months post-publication, but even then I still thought it would be different somehow. I think, quite frankly, that it’s healthier this way. What we do isn’t who we are, and it means that we are less affected externally and staying grounded internally (or one can hope).
And Lisa, I have definitely noticed changes in people around me – at least those who were more acquaintances. Either they want to get closer (and have you read THEIR manuscript!) or they pull away and look at you funny. Go figure.