Love, by Deb Katie

Our theme this week, in honor of Valentine’s Day, is “love hurts.” The thing is, (and shh!–don’t tell my fellow Debs)… I don’t think love hurts.

Go ahead and call me Pollyanna if you must, but as I get older, I’ve learned to count my blessings and let the rest of it go. (Besides, if you must nickname me after a character in a Disney movie, just do what everybody else does and go with Mary Poppins.)

So, yes, I’m being a stickler here (my Meyers-Briggs type is, after all, INTP), but from where I stand, love doesn’t hurt. It’s the good stuff.

I’ve actually been thinking a lot about love lately. Not specifically as it relates to me and my life, but as a concept. I forget why, but a few months ago, I realized: love is the ultimate heroic act.

The two schlubbiest schlubs that ever slouched down the street become heroes if they fall in love. The two most average people in the world become above average if they fall in love. I can’t think of any two people whose love story—if it’s sincere, real love—doesn’t instantly elevate them.

Without love, Romeo and Juliet are just two teens from cranky families. Scarlett and Rhett are just two spoiled Southerners. Lady and the Tramp are just dogs.

Think about it—to have a great war movie, you need great battles (or at least a backdrop of battles). To have a great action movie, you need a great adventure. But to have a great love story, you just need two people who are willing to bend their lives toward one another until they touch (metaphorically, of course).

Now, once you have your great love story, where you go with it is a whole ‘nother beast. You can get all Cinderella and fairytale ending–they meet at the top of the skyscraper!–or you can go Romeo and Juliet on your characters–one of them gets hit by a bus. (That, by the way, would be where the hurt comes in.)

Love inspires and it expands, and it is one of the few things we can all do well, if we try.

The pain, the loss, the disappointment… those things come along, unfortunately for us at regular intervals. But it’s not the hurdles that define a champion hurdler—it’s the leaping.

I’m truly apologetic to my Debutante sisters, but I can’t find it inside me to be cynical on a topic like this one. (Unless you get me talking about the traffic that results from all of the love on Valentine’s Day in Los Angeles… but that’s a totally different story.)

May you be the hero of your own story! Happy V-Day.

k.
KatieAlender.com

20 thoughts on “Love, by Deb Katie

  1. Yay to you katie. I love love love this. “You just need two people who are willing to bend their lives toward one another until they touch” is absolutely perfect. Did anyone ever tell you you should be a writer???

  2. Oh, Katie – you stole my thunder! I don’t buy into the whole love hurts premise either! More on that on Friday ….

    I LUV your post. You really should be a writer! Oh, and I’m an ENFP – definitely NOT a stickler, just off in a thousand directions at the same time, always the quickest and the loudest one in a room – this is what I love to call my “ENFP-ness”and you should see the looks I get what I say that!

  3. I love Valentine’s Day, too, but for some of my single friends, it is beyond depressing. So I guess it is really life without love that hurts… So may everyone be gifted with “a whole lot of love” this V-Day.

  4. Oh, Judy, who has the time? 😉 I’m so glad you enjoyed it!

    Eve, I was afraid of that, but after reading your book, I thought you might have some prime “love kinda hurts” anecdotes… I’m sorry to steal your thunder! I know how you ENFPs like thundering. LOL, I am fascinated by ENFPs.

    Meredith, that’s true. We actually considered having an anti-Valentine’s Day get-together with a couple of people. It’s not the day I like so much–this just happened to be good timing for me to share my new theory (which I’m sure is as old as the hills).

  5. I believe love inevitably hurts (see Monday’s post) but of course it doesn’t ONLY hurt and that’s what makes it worthwhile. I absolutely agree with this: “Love inspires and it expands …”

  6. Katie, I SO admire the way you think and then write: “love is the ultimate heroic act.” After all how much courage does it take to share yourself with someone else?

  7. Kristina, I’m sure if we really got down to it we’d find much to agree on!

    Larramie, thank you… as to the question of courage, that’s what I’ve found, too. Because love is also, of course, the ultimate humbling act! And a lot of other “ultimates.” 😉

  8. Chim-chimney, chim-chimney, chim-chim-cheroo, I knew that pic of you on your site reminded me of someone I knew… 😀

    And why did I know that you would find a way to fit in The Lady and the Tramp into your little column. Do you like dogs or something?

    Kristina, I don’t mean to get all religious on you, but doesn’t love always ultimately win in the end when we die? Maybe I’m thinking a little too “big-picture”, sorry.

    Happy V-Day, I guess (The day made up by women). The day where men just can’t get it right…

  9. Oh JPK, I didn’t mean to come off as anti-love! I adore love, I’m in love, and I’m actually a sappy romantic. Love is complicated and apparently so are my opinions about it.

  10. Kristina, I think a man trying to decipher a woman’s take on love is always going to be complicated; forgive me. At least we both agree on Gervais… that was you right?

  11. Ha ha, Jason, really? Ever since I cut my hair short, the Julie Andrews comparisons are coming fast and furious. And you know I went straight for dog movies. I should have used three dog movies as my examples. (“Without love, Lassie and Timmy are just… creepy.”)

    I think I know where Kris is coming from… sometimes bittersweet leans a little too far toward “bitter,” even in the best of love affairs. But it’s always returning to the “sweet” that matters.

    But Jason, how gracefully you got yourself out of that! A writer for sure.

  12. You’ve said nothing requiring forgiveness, Jason! And yes, you are correct about our common Gervais affinity…

    Hmm. The Office sounds pretty good right now.

  13. Good topic, Katie. This is indeed one of the best times of the year to talk about l’amour.

    Let me just say this about your topic: DON’T get me started. LOL.

    Actually, I enjoy being single (again). The mobility is incredible and so is the lack of restrictions (I don’t think I’m phrasing this correctly). On the other hand, if you have any connections to the movie industry and wanted to introduce me to Jessica Biel or Kate Beckinsale, I’d be willing to make some modifications to my thinking;0)

    As far as the formulate “love hurts”, I think there may be some truth to it. You cannot love without becoming beautifully weak by handing a portion of yourself to somebody else. I use the word beautifully because there is no way more delightful of becoming unguarded or powerless. I do, however, recognize the heroism that you refer to in your post. I suppose that love is also full of paradoxes.

    You and the husband have a fabulous and romantic Valentine’s Day. God bless you both.

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