I like to think of myself as a smart person. I have a fancy masters degree and read books with big words. Heck, I actually LIKE shows that appear on Discovery and public television. However, despite my achievements I am concerned that I may be a few fries short of a combo meal.
Things I do for no clear logical reason:
- When a waiter hands me a plate and says “don’t touch the plate it’s hot.” The very first thing I do is stick my finger on it. I don’t know if this is because I wonder just how hot he thinks it is or if I have a deep and abiding distrust of wait staff- but I do this all the time.
- If I pull the milk out of the fridge and notice that the expiration date has long since come and gone, heck I can almost feel the chunks rolling around in the carton, I will still lean in and give it a good sniff just to be sure.
- If I have an injury of some type- let’s say a cut on my finger- I will randomly push on it to see if it still hurts. Several times a day. It is as if on some level I wonder if a miracle has occurred and have to check it out over and over. “Yep still hurts, yep even now- look at that it STILL hurts.”
I believe there is hope for me. Sometimes it takes me years, decades even, but I do learn. For years I struggled with worrying about what people thought of me. Was I dressed okay? Was I funny? Not funny? Too funny? Did they think I was smart? A smart ass? Too fat? Too thin? I chose clothing carefully wanting to be sure that I was dressed fun, but not too funky. Even I knew a swan dress was going too far. There were times I couldn’t enjoy events that should have been FUN because I was too worried about how others saw me.
I’m slowly coming around to the idea that what other people think doesn’t matter nearly as much as I thought. There are simply too many people to please and too many different opinions on what is the “right thing.” Does this mean I won’t wince when I get a bad review? I doubt it, but I hope I chalk it up to the fact that there are different strokes for different folks. What matters is what the people I respect think of me. What matters even more than that- is what I think of myself.
It took me long enough- now if I can only get over the milk sniffing…..
What lesson are you most proud of learning?