Since I am a famous author – I know this because every time my friend Kelly phones me and I answer, she says, “Hello Famous Author” – I am expecting a slew of requests to come in any day asking me to promote certain products. Any day. Especially since Tiger Woods is…well, not really available for this sort of thing anymore (except maybe #10).
I take the idea of promoting products with my valuable Famous Author name very seriously, which is why I have already made a list of ten people/places/things I am willing to endorse right off the bat. Don’t be offended if you don’t make the cut, I’ll consider all reasonable offers from others too.
1. England – yes, the whole country, but in particular, the apple cream cakes. My passport is up to date, so just let me know when you want to fly me over for promotional purposes.
2. Avocados – I prefer mine smashed, as in, guacamole, but I’ll pretty much support the good old avo any way it comes. Especially by FedEx.
3. Merrell shoes – Quest Moc Black, size 10 (I’ll take brown if you make them too)
4. Panda All Natural Raspberry licorice – I know some writers live off the “other” brand, but I like my candy free…not just from additives, but entirely free. The box I have now, my husband won in a bag of groceries, which is actually the only way I can afford this licorice unless the nice people at Panda mail me some more soon. Very soon.
5. The Cubs – box seats would be nice, but I’ll settle for a pair behind home plate (don’t tell MLB that I’m already a die-hard fan and promote the Cubs anyway).
6. Creme Caramel Tea from David’s Tea – yes, as totally fabulous as it sounds (see, I’m getting this endorsement thing down)
7. Moonstruck Chocolate – You can’t really be a Famous Author without a favourite chocolate. To the nice people at Moonstruck, don’t forget to send 15% of my chocolates to my agent. We like the caramels best.
8. Libraries – Duh. They already give me books for free, so we’re good there.
9. Hmmm…trying to think of something else I’d like someone to send me for free… Victoria’s Secret Tees– size Large, any colour. Totally live in these in spite of the nasty little tags that poke me in the side because they’re “tagless” up by the neck (?).
10. Canada’s National Sex Day – August 21st, Add it to your calendar. You know you want to.
(and yes, while they’re all real links, I’m betting most of you only click on #10)