There is a reason he’s not that into you by Deb Eileen

Far wiser minds than my own have already covered the really good advice for my adolescent self. We’ve covered the importance of learning to like myself, hugging my mom and enjoying the journey. When I started to write this post I wasn’t sure if I would have anything to add. To get some inspiration I looked through my yearbooks and diaries. Suddenly I have a lot of advice for my younger self. Advice that I clearly desperately needed.

Things I would tell myself if I could travel back in time:

– There is such a thing as hair that is too big. Put down the blow dryer and hairspray and back away slowly.

– The asymmetrical hair cut is not a good look. I look like half of my head was attacked by a rogue lawn mower.

– Skinny leather ties? Really? You thought this looked good?

– Don’t bother trying to keep the car accident a secret from dad, days later the police are going to show up during dinner and the gig will be up. If you think he’s going to be cranky about the accident wait till he gets ahold of the fact that you didn’t tell him.

– Enjoy those fries, in a few years you won’t be able look at fried food without your ass swelling up.

– Pay attention in math it’s going to come in handy later.

– As for the great crush of your high school life, JH, all the hours discussing anything he said, his every gesture are wasted. Wondering what’s wrong with you that he doesn’t seem to love you is missing the point. He’s not that into you. He’s not that into your gender in general. JH is gay. He’ll tell you this years later. Looking at the pictures you’ll wonder how the heck you didn’t notice this on your own. Apparently your gay-dar is broken as there will be more misdirected love in your future.

Overall if I could travel back to my younger self I would let myself know it’s all going to work out. Life is good and thank God, our hair grows.

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12 Replies to “There is a reason he’s not that into you by Deb Eileen”

  1. “Hugging my Mom” is in the FIRST paragraph. Don’t lie to my dad doesn’t even exist until the SIXTH paragraph. Maybe I did beat you too much growing up!! Still wonder if you had gone to Notre Dame, you might have stayed a conservative. Oh well, at least you didn’t turn out too bad. We can’t wait to see you at the end of this month. Your Mom has an excellent crumb cake recipe that she wants to try out on you. It is even better than the Lemon cake that was my favorite and beats the hell out of strawberry shortcake .

  2. OMG, very, very, funny. I would also like to go back and give a little fashion advice. I had that lopsided haircut too and big hair with many perms. Sigh.

    It’s 10am here and I’m guessing you’re on TV at this very moment, or close to it. Sending good vibes your way!!!!


  3. Just thinking about the high school years makes me shudder. Are today’s teens just as stupid? Oh yeah.

    I hope the TV interview is going/went well. I’ve been a basket-case all morning, not knowing *exactly* when you would be LIVE on television.

  4. Oh, my…you, me Maureen…we are all sisters of the eighties. I too had the lopsided haircut with the bleach streaks through the front. And don’t forget the big white shirt pulled out of the bottom of your sweater! My favorite/worse fashion faux pas might have been the Madonna-inspired lace gloves. Or maybe the long underwear with skirts…there’s so much to choose from and it’s all available in a store near you as we are now being tortured by a revival of the eighties. Now I know how my husband felt when he saw all the seventies clothing of his college years and couldn’t believe women were stupid enough to wear low-rise jeans again! They seemed new and fresh to me!

  5. HAIR CRIMPING!!! And clip-on lace bows? I can’t even THINK of my hair back then without shuddering. My Dad called me “Mall Hair” for years. I can not BELIEVE how much hairspray I used, and why on earth did we think those bushy clumps on the tops and sides of our heads looked GOOD?!?!

    And oh my god, I can’t wait to hear how YOUR TV APPEARANCE went!!!!! I am ready to burst with excitement.

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