What I Did On My Summer Vacation by Debutante Mia

Now I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’ve been doing pretty well these past couple of decades without Disneyland. This is not meant as a criticism in ANY way to those who you who frequent the 160+ acre playground/fantasyland/shopping mall, but I’m just saying that planning a trip to said place takes, well, a lot of work, even if your in-laws are picking up the tab. It requires all sorts of sacrifices, such as no sleep (show me one family who goes to Disneyland who is well-rested during their trip), extreme patience (it’s impossible to Fast Track your entire way through that place unless you’re paying for a service or have a spare parent available to make the rounds) and an unlimited budget (for useless knick-knacks and souvenirs and overpriced drinks).

For a while I thought of faking everybody out and telling people I was on a prelim book signing tour for my novel, GOOD THINGS: A Novel, which is due out February 2007 by Berkley Books (Penguin USA), but unless that tour included stops at every penny-pressing machine within Disneyland, then the truth would eventually have me out. As I mentioned, my in-laws were generous enough to foot the bill to send the entire family to the World According to Disney, which was the first visit for my five and a half year old daughter (yes, I know, it’s unheard of). It was also the first visit for my six-month old son, but I’m not expecting that he’ll remember much other than the familiar screaming and crying from his older sibling as she melted down after the 8:00 pm Electric Parade.

I had a goal to write at least a page a day during our visit to the mainland from Hawaii, but that didn’t happen. I couldn’t even find my manuscript, not that I was really looking. Eventually I found it buried below two pairs of Mickey Mouse ears (monogrammed, of course), about 15 pounds of baby clothes and diapers, half a suitcase full of Barbie and other licensed products my daughter received as gifts, my tax return (lnog story), our passports, a box full of homeopathic remedies that I consistently forgot to give my children, and, how can we forget, about 30 one-cent pennies defamed and distorted by any and every Disney character.

So, back to my manuscript … it’s my next novel, THE ALOHA DIARIES. I’m giving away 30 one-cent pennies to the first person who can guess where the novel takes place. Just kidding. My daughter would kill me and, really, I don’t need that right now. Because with all of the pre-press surrounding my book (yes, there are tons! *cough*), I’ve had a few girlfriends come up to me and say, “Wow, I don’t know how you do it!” And they wax on and on and praise you and you’re standing there with this frozen smile on your face, waiting for the right opportunity to tell them that it’s a small miracle if you can even manage a load of laundry.

Clearly, I need a vacation.

11 Replies to “What I Did On My Summer Vacation by Debutante Mia”

  1. We took Eileen to the Florida Mouse as she desperately wanted to ride Space Mountain. I told her it was fairly scary and she might want to reconsider. Then she got on and halfway through wanted to get off. I don’t know about the one in California but the one in Florida doesn’t have a stop at “OMG, what did I get on this for?” For at least two years after that she believed almost everything I said.
    And my guess for the “Aloha Diaries” is that is about someone on the mainland remembering growing up in Hawaii and it takes place in San Francisco.

  2. Oh, it’s not just you 🙂 Total cutie. E.D. (wouldn’t it be great if his name really was Ed?), we’d like to adopt you as the Debutante Mascot. No responsibilities other than showing up and being cute once in a while.

    Now, as a Floridian, you can be sure I have my own experiences and thoughts about The Mouse. Because I am only 4 hours away I must keep them to myself. I don’t want another late night visit (ever looked out your peephole only to find your view obscured by the huge, white-gloved hands of a giant, pissed-off rodent?). I’m convinced the reason my first book wasn’t published is because it had a long passage about driving up I-75 past cars stuffed with hyper-stimulated children and death-masked adults.

    Anyway, Mia, glad you survived, and maybe next time the in-laws could send you to a spa instead?

  3. You all think he is cute because he’s not telling stories about how you threw up on Space Mountain. Go on, tell your stories dad- I’ll get my revenge. When you are old I’m going to put you in a Hilary Clinton for President shirt and wheel you around. Ha!

  4. Clearly, Eileen’s father is one of the best marketing angles I have … anything to get people to leave comments on my post! 😉

    And, Eileen’s Dad, you are close but unfortunately not the grand prize winner fof 30 pressed pennies … any other takers on where the THE ALOHA DIARIES takes place? Will post the answer later tonight!

  5. I’ll try the obvious. THE ALOHA DIARIES takes place in Hawaii.

    BTW, Mia, going to Disneyland is less stressful than DisneyWorld with all its surrounding parks. You kinda “lucked out!” ;o)

  6. To my daughter, I did not remember that you had thrown up. I remembered you got queasy and didn’t want to go back on the ride.
    To all the rest of you, see how my daughter brings up things which, if they in fact ever happened, everyone has forgotten. So all those nasty nasty thing she tells in private about how she was abused growing up, if you want to know the TRUE story let me know.
    To Kristy, first name is Ken.
    To Kristy and Tish, Tish thinks I am a “total cutie” and Kristy thinks I only have to be cute “once in a while”. If I am going to be the mascot, I have to know whether I am to be cute some or all of the time. Also, could we refer to it as something other than a “cutie” which is too feminine for me.

  7. I’m putting my money on Hawaii (I’m cheating b/c I just met Mia at the hotel and we were talking about book and writing). I still have yet to make it to any of the Disney properties (and I’m 39) – no kids, no reason – I’d rather be shopping even though I understand there’s plenty of that there as well.

  8. I’m all for Eileen’s Dad being our mascot! Is Adorable too feminine? And Kristy, I’m going to have nightmares about looking out my peephole and finding my view obscured my a large white glove. Those costumes with huge heads frighten me terribly. I’ve never been to Disneyland, but as the parent of a small child, I see that it may only be a matter of time. Are there any homeopathic remedies that might help with anxiety caused by being surrounded by costumed creatures with big heads?

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