Welcome to Surprise Week here at the Ball. Seriously – if you thought I would post pictures of me naked in the shower with a snail – or naked at all – then I am the one who is truly surprised. You can blame the title on my fellow Debs who dared me.
That said, many surprising things have taken place in both my humble bathroom and my shower.
We live on forty acres of land, surrounded by trees and deer and wild turkeys and other miscellaneous flora and fauna. Also, we bought the land more than we bought the house, which has a few – eccentricities. As in, when we first bought it there were a few places where you could see the outside from the inside. We’ve worked hard on the house and it’s very cozy and comfortable, although as the Viking says, “We’re not Good Housekeeping here.” Or Martha Stewart.
Anyway, back to the snail.
Okay, it wasn’t really a snail. It was a slug. Slug is such an ugly word, and it wasn’t one of those huge, nasty, slimy guys that looks like a dog turd with horns, just a cute little garden slug. They’re related to snails, right? And if he’d had the darling little shell on his back he would have looked exactly like a snail, so I took him outside and let him live, contrary to my **General Shower Policy.
To this day, I have no idea what he was doing in my shower, or how he got in. Or why. Sometimes there are no answers to life’s little mysteries.
The frog is another thing entirely.
I’m pretty sure I know how he got in. We have an abundance of adorable little tree frogs around here. They like to perch on the door frame or hang on the side of the house. We have no objection to this. They are cute, they eat mosquitoes, and I like their croaking. However, this behavior does occasionally mean they wind up in the wrong place at the wrong time, and we find dried squished frog glued to the top of the door later.
This little frog’s tale had a happier ending.
When I walked into the bathroom, I caught movement out of the corner of my eye. I did that assessment you do – you know the one. Intruder alert – is it big enough to eat me? Will it bite? Is it a spider? The alarm was short lived. If you haven’t had the opportunity to notice, nothing moves in quite the same manner as a frog. Even other hopping critters, like bunnies or grasshoppers, have a different way of moving. Anyway, my attention was captured and I captured the little guy and released him outside as well. Who knows – maybe he and the slug have some sort of Critter Surveillance Service and they’re comparing notes.
Possibly, they are in cahoots with the grasshopper. He’s the one who really surprised me. Not so much that he got in, or even his visit to the shower. I did try to catch him when I first noticed him in the bathroom, but grasshoppers are pretty quick and I kept missing. Later, in the shower, I was a little startled when I reached up to the rack for my shampoo and saw him hanging upside down there, staring at me. Although he also had broken the rules of my **General Shower Policy, I chose to let him live, mostly because I figured if I tried to catch him then he would fall into the shower and he was too big to squish barefoot or to go easily down the drain.
This was my mistake.
Mr. Grasshopper visited me again, this time when I was soaking in a hot bathtub, totally absorbed in an exciting moment in a good book. There came a splash, and I was suddenly sharing my nice hot soak with an insect intruder. This time I was truly surprised. No, I did not scream or drop the book although I may possibly have flailed about and splashed. (You will be happy to know that the book survived the adventure unscathed)
Still, I was merciful. I have a soft spot for grasshoppers, God alone knows why. So I scooped him out and on to the floor to die another day. He paid for his sins some little time later, falling prey to a marauding cat.
Alas. No creature may escape the **General Shower Policy with total impunity.
**Deb Kerry’s General Shower Policy: creatures remaining outside of the shower may be permitted to live, based on individual discretion. But any spider or stinkbug or other small invading critter who is in the shower when the water comes on goes down the drain.
And now I want to know – have you ever been surprised in the shower by beasties large or small? Or is this the sort of thing that only happens to me?