We’re talking about “big breaks” this week, and I must admit, I’ve had several.
The biggest break was my right arm the summer I turned nine. The bone snapped in two places, courtesy of an ungraceful dismount off a piece of playground equipment. The doctor made the peculiar decision to set the bone without the benefit of pain medication, a process that taxed my youthful arsenal of curse words and prompted the development of several new ones.
Then he loaded me up with pain meds, which turned out to be an equally bad idea. Unbeknownst to any of us at the time, I’m violently allergic to anything in the morphine family – codeine, dramamine, you name it. I spent the next few days enjoying a variety of colorful hallucinations and equally colorful projectile vomiting.
My next big break was two years later when a bunch of girlfriends at a slumber party decided it would be great fun to strip down to our underwear and chase each other around the wall separating the kitchen from the living room.
It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I managed to crash into the oven, breaking a toe on my left foot. If you’ve never had a broken toe, allow me to explain the conundrum – it hurts like a motherbear. It really does. You can’t walk right, and there’s really no way to splint a toe.
But it’s a toe, so it’s not like you get a whole lot of sympathy. Not even with crutches.
And especially not if you did it colliding with a kitchen appliance in your Hello Kitty underpants.
My favorite big break was my middle finger. For several weeks, I had the divine pleasure of flipping the finger to everyone I encountered. My teachers eyed me with great suspicion, but couldn’t really argue with the splint anchoring my digit in that position.
I haven’t broken any bones for awhile, and actually worry I may have jinxed myself by typing that just now. My biggest fear is a broken tailbone, since I’m uncertain how the doctor might go about splinting it.
What’s been your biggest break? Please share!
And please let me know if you have any ideas on the tailbone thing. Seriously – ouch.
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