I was going to get all holier-than-thou this week and write something about how writing is my guilty pleasure, or biking, but who am I kidding? I am only human, and so, dear readers, it is with my head hung low that I confess to indulging in the guiltiest pleasure of them all. That’s right, people. I’m talking about Rock of Love.
If you’ve seen Rock of Love, you know of what I speak. And if you haven’t, well, I don’t even know how to describe it. Ew, maybe. Or, OH DEAR LORD. Oh dear lord and the devil’s tail, too.
Rock of Love, for the uninitiated, involves Bret Michaels, a somewhat washed-up, middle-aged rock star and two busloads of the most silicone, skankiest, dumbest girls you’ve ever seen. And that’s a somewhat kind assessment, although the jury is still out on one or two of them.
Watch, my friends, and, like me, you will also become puzzled. You, too, will wonder WHAT IS UNDER BRET’S BANDANA? If he takes it off, do his horns pop out? And WHERE DO THESE GIRLS COME FROM? Don’t they have mothers? Actually, wait, they do. Some of appeared on last season’s Rock of Love.
Really, words fail me, and that’s bad because I’m a writer. I know it sounds like I’m judging, but these girls are so scary that Sharon Osbourne was inspired to try to clean them up and largely failed. How about them apples?
So let me invite you to the smut feast that is Rock of Love. It airs on Sundays. I advise watching it with some form of alcohol. This is because most of the people on the show are looped and also because, after watching Bret open-mouth kiss up to half a dozen girls in rapid succession, you will have the urge to sanitize your own mouth with a bottle of antiseptic, tequila, or both.
Finally, I wish I could tell you that I’m learning some great, moral lesson from this program, but I’d be a liar if I did. And if you’re my wonderful, lovely editor and you’re reading this post, then please note that the above paragraphs were all fiction. Of COURSE I’m slaving over my new book and not watching Rock of Love! (Except when I kind of am).