So it’s a free-for-all this week at the Ball and I haven’t had one big idea come to me yet. I’ve been– happily– busy getting the proposal for my new book out to my editor. It left my desk on Thursday, so I am now catching up on life and had a moment to give careful consideration to today’s post. And yet I still couldn’t decide upon one topic. So instead, I’m going to subject you to many small topics, which, like children, can be annoying but maybe they’ll grow up into something interesting later.
First of all, to everyone moaning, one way or the other, about Paris Hilton (and yes, I am painfully aware that this group now includes moi). All I want to know is: How many other women her age, arrested for the same crimes, twice, have been sentenced to jail for 45 days? That’s it, that’s all I want to know. Because if there’ve been a fair number, well, then off you go, hope you look good in orange. Why is there any other issue at stake? There’s law, there’s precedence, there are sentencing guidelines. Do I need to go out there? Because I will. (If you send me a plane ticket.)
Next, to sartorially challenged men and women: just because the bottoms are black and the top is black, it doesn’t mean that they automatically go together. Ah…stop…no, it does not. I understand the allure of the seeming ease of an all-black wardrobe, I really do. But black isn’t a single color. There are different bases, like green, blue, purple, even red. Set against white or another color, the black item might look just plain old black. But placed against another black, say a black item you got at another time, in another store, in another state, I assure you, that black on black looks like crap.
Which brings me to Survivor (how does that bring me to Survivor? I don’t know, I’ve always been bad at transitions, but hang on, I think I can bring it around.). Isn’t it time to retire Jeff Probst’s hat? I like Jeff, I like his hat. I liked it better about 7 years ago. Now all I can think of when I see him in that artfully crushed hat is a bikini-clad model strolling the beach. Jeff, seriously, you’re wearing a chick’s hat. How about a nice pith helmet? Now that’s manly. (Ah! Fashion, there’s my link right there. Told you I’d manage…)
And finally, has anyone else gotten a Webkinz yet (ahem, I mean, you know, for your kid, of course)? Is it wrong that I’ve become a little invested in keeping this tiny stuffed Chihuahua alive, via a website? Is it concerning that I delight in winning Kinz money by answering questions meant for children, with which I can buy cartoon drawings of items for my Chihuahua (Nikki, btw), like Bone Burritos and a tiny tiara? I don’t know. All I know is that if I want to save up enough to buy Nikki an outdoor room I need to win a LOT of cartoon money, and instead I am writing this blog entry. Do you people want Nikki to stay in her cartoon indoors forever? Selfish, so selfish…