I want to learn words without Hs, by Deb Lisa

I want to learn words without the letter H.

“Why?” you might ask.

“Well,” I’d tell you, “my H key is stuck on my keyboard, and I have to mash it to get the H to work.”

Or, I could just type with an Irish accent: I ‘ave a ‘eadache.

I never realized just how much I needed the H until I tried to write a column and a blog post without one. I am a writing professional: I know all of the letters are important, however, it seems like you could probably get by for a few days without a Q or a Z. But an H — well, there’s just no getting around that one. It’s the “the” “there” and “that” that screw you up.

Now, if my Q, or the little +/=, or the “fn” key were stuck, it would be no problem. I could probably survive for weeks, maybe years with a little creativity. I’ve worked on a mac since college and I’m not even sure what the “fn” key is for.

But a dysfunctional H — it’s almost tragic.

I could search the dictionary for suitable alternatives, but I just can’t live without Hairy, or Hell on Wheels, or Hangnail or Hallelujah.

And I can’t work without the, this and thee.

Maybe I should just learn the directions to the Apple store, and get the bleeping thing fixed.

Lisa

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Lisa Daily is a real-life TV dating expert on Daytime. She's a syndicated relationships columnist, a popular media guest seen everywhere from MTV to the New York Times, and the author of the bestselling dating advice book, Stop Getting Dumped! : All you need to know to make men fall madly in love with you and marry "The One" in 3 years or less. Visit lisa online at www.lisadaily.com

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This article has 14 Comments

  1. Ha! Funny post. I’m with you–I’ve been a Mac girl forever and don’t use those other keys much (if ever). A little primer on all of those extra keys would be useful…Just yesterday my son was on my computer and hit some magic button and made things complete disappear and I had no clue what he did but I told him I wanted them back immediately. (I get a little paranoid about losing important information)…he laughed that knowing laugh that teens do when they’re comfortable in the knowledge that they are imminently smarter than their parents…

  2. I just got a mac this year and it’s a case of true love. However a few years ago I spilled a can of diet coke into my work computer keyboard. In case you are wondering diet coke and technology do not marry well.

  3. Ah, technology. It’s a love/hate relationship, isn’t it? I’m continually amazed (and a little scared) whenever I realize how dependent I am on it, and on dependable Internet availability.

  4. I have a Microsoft Ergonomic keyboard – it slants left and right with a crevasse between the t and y. It’s only a couple of months old. ALL THE INK HAS WORN OFF THE LETTER? In fact, it took me 17 minutes to type and edit this post. I am not a great typist. I am a great deleter. I am returning the keyboard for a new one. And praying the inky letters last.

    God bless as you retrieve your H.

    KS

  5. Thanks everybody — great comments!

    Kim — thank you. I’m with you, I’m a terrible typist. If the letters wore off my keys, I’d be in big trouble.

    I’m pretty speedy as long as I can look at the keys, but if I needed to type a handwritten letter, for instance, it would take me all day.

    When I was in high school, my mother told me not to learn to type. She said if I learned to type, people would ask me to do it– she was right. Right after college, I had a boss who notoriously asked the women employees to fetch coffee and type his memos.

    I was thankful to my mother every time I told him,

    “Sorry, I don’t drink coffee, and I can’t type.” I was the only woman promoted under his watch (not sure if there’s a connection or not, but if I had to venture a guess…)

    Of course the joke’s on me. I’m a writer who can’t type.

    Lisa

  6. You crack me up, Lisa. Thanks for that! Btw, I’m also a lousy typist and my middle daughter (who is an amazing typist!) always says, “How can you be a writer and not know how to type?”

  7. Lisa, I’m on a mac too and love it but lost the lettering on my N about two weeks after I got it. It still bugs me, but of course I have not had it fixed. I’m starting to lose M now too.

    Very funny post!

  8. UPDATE FROM LISA:

    I took a trip to the Apple store today, and the technical problem which was causing my H to stick was….wait for it…a sprinkle. As in, a rainbow sprinkle from a donut.

    When the Apple Genius fished it out, I blushed 7 shades of crimson and mumbled something like, “I have kids..they’re uh..I have kids.”

    Humilation aside, my HHHHHHHH is working just fine.

    Lisa

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