Deb Jenny, forgive me. Your book (your excellent, hilarious book, SLEEPING WITH WARD CLEAVER which was officially released THIS WEEK!!) has moved me, has pushed me over the edge, to the point where I…
Where I…
Where I feel the need to write not-good, somewhat-sonnet-like poetry.
And, okay I admit, Gail and Lisa kind of covered the things I wanted to say in their excellent posts, leaving me frowning and scratching my head.
Let me just say that SLEEPING WITH WARD CLEAVER is a must read for anyone who is married, has been married or thinks they may, someday, get married. It is at once a cautionary tale and an inspiration and a wonderful story about what happens after happily ever after.
And without further ado, here are my poetic offerings.
Jack to Ward…and Back Again?
When covered in bird poop, spittle and puke,
From your dear husband receiving rebuke,
Oh do not succumb to hate and despair,
But take a deep breath and blow-dry your hair.
With conjugal rights the dread of your nights,
And after the chore an earsplitting snore,
Weep not in your pillow asking for more,
But pull up your brastraps, think to your rights.
Oh, let Claire Dolittle show you the way,
She is trapped and distraught, tempted to stray,
Confused by the past, which seemed much more fun,
But feisty and stubborn, Claire does not run.
All hope does seem lost, when Jack becomes Ward,
Will Claire spend her life resentful and bored?
Buy the book and find out!
And I couldn’t help myself, here’s another one:
The One That Got Away
Be not fooled by the one that got away
Lo, though his emails hearken back to when
You were thinner and younger than today,
And legend with tongue and hand…and a pen.
Oh be not taken, Claire Dolittle, no!
Look to your husband, the bore of the south,
That nit-picking patriarch with the glow
Of crack-of-dawn jogging, Sunday night mouth.
Your Jack-turned-to-Ward is trying but true
While what’s-his-name is a well-meaning snake
If there is such a thing. Do not imbue
The past with rosy colors for his sake.
For the one that got away, Claire, alas,
Gets away all the time, air in a glass.
I didn’t say they were good….
My heartfelt congratulations to Deb Jenny Gardiner and biggest, best wishes for SLEEPING WITH WARD CLEAVER!
Deb Danielle
P.S. Don’t forget to check out the contest page for your chance to win a signed copy of SLEEPING WITH WARD CLEAVER and other wild prizes.
Danielle, the depths of your talent know no bounds! I’m SO impressed and suspect I’ll never again have a sonnet (or two) written in my honor, so I am, uh, honored! Particularly because my poetic ability reaches to a limerick or two…(there once was an author from Canada 😉
Huh. No, really Danielle, those are hilarious – I had no idea you were such a talented poet!
Jenny, congrats on launch week day 4. What rhymes with Canada?
I’m STILL laughing, Danielle!! These are wonderful… just wonderful. What a great tribute to Jenny!
Jenny: Don’t tempt me with the limerick! I’m so pleased you like these. Your book provided lots of inspiration!
Joanne: Well, the talent part is relative but thanks! How about “bandana” “banana”–that’s all I’ve got so far…
Gail: I had lots of chuckles (and groans) while writing them last night. Happy to put a smile on your face.
I’m off to buy Jenny’s book today!
D.
Oh these are so fun. You realize now all of us are going to want a poem to go with our releases.
Too funny, Danielle!
Oh, and a huge congrats on your release, Jenny!
Thanks you guys. I was trying to think of what rhymed with Canada and I just kept thinking “orange”…(that is supposedly the only word in the english language that hasn’t got a rhyming word for it).
Hope you can *find* my book in Canada…We need Canadians to ask Indigo Books to actually CARRY the thing…But I’m told it should be in drug stores and convenience stores, FWIW…
What a tribute, Danielle, and what a tradition you’ve created. Guess we can look forward to UNPREDICTABLE’S ode next week! 😉
HI—LARRY—US
POE—EH–TREE!!!
Fans can also enter to win a signed copy over at my blog: Manic Mommy!
What fun it is to pimp books!
Danielle, you are awesome!!! What charming and clever tributes. How on earth am I going to follow-this up for tomorrow? Hmmm…methinks the bar has been raised, yet again.
Just dropping in to wish Jenny a ball. Here’s to Ward and the wit that carries it through.
Danielle, by the way, I think I need a signed copy of your lovely poems 😉
thanks everyone for your lovely comments!
OMG! Hilarious!!!
Danielle — do your gifts know no bounds?
Lisa
Maureen: Thanks! You’re going to love Jenny’s book.
Larramie: Since no one has given me the gong on this idea and I admit to finding it shockingly fun, yes, I’ll do one (or two?) for everyone.
Eileen: I’ll get working on yours tout suite. I’ve got some lovely rhymes for Kintock.
Manic Mommy: you’re pretty hilarious yourself! Thanks for coming.
Jess: he he. We never considered this factor when choosing Thursday and Friday, did we?
Carolyn: Thanks for helping us celebrate with Jenny!
Jenny: Of course I will do a copy for you! Now I’m blushing.
Lisa: Back at ya. Back at ALL of you!
I’ve just been smiling all week. Being part of this makes it like I have 6 debuts this year, not just one. I love it.