Deb Jenny, forgive me. Your book (your excellent, hilarious book, SLEEPING WITH WARD CLEAVER which was officially released THIS WEEK!!) has moved me, has pushed me over the edge, to the point where I…
Where I feel the need to write not-good, somewhat-sonnet-like poetry.
And, okay I admit, Gail and Lisa kind of covered the things I wanted to say in their excellent posts, leaving me frowning and scratching my head.
Let me just say that SLEEPING WITH WARD CLEAVER is a must read for anyone who is married, has been married or thinks they may, someday, get married. It is at once a cautionary tale and an inspiration and a wonderful story about what happens after happily ever after.
And without further ado, here are my poetic offerings.
Jack to Ward…and Back Again?
When covered in bird poop, spittle and puke,
From your dear husband receiving rebuke,
Oh do not succumb to hate and despair,
But take a deep breath and blow-dry your hair.
With conjugal rights the dread of your nights,
And after the chore an earsplitting snore,
Weep not in your pillow asking for more,
But pull up your brastraps, think to your rights.
Oh, let Claire Dolittle show you the way,
She is trapped and distraught, tempted to stray,
Confused by the past, which seemed much more fun,
But feisty and stubborn, Claire does not run.
All hope does seem lost, when Jack becomes Ward,
Will Claire spend her life resentful and bored?
Buy the book and find out!
And I couldn’t help myself, here’s another one:
The One That Got Away
Be not fooled by the one that got away
Lo, though his emails hearken back to when
You were thinner and younger than today,
And legend with tongue and hand…and a pen.
Oh be not taken, Claire Dolittle, no!
Look to your husband, the bore of the south,
That nit-picking patriarch with the glow
Of crack-of-dawn jogging, Sunday night mouth.
Your Jack-turned-to-Ward is trying but true
While what’s-his-name is a well-meaning snake
If there is such a thing. Do not imbue
The past with rosy colors for his sake.
For the one that got away, Claire, alas,
Gets away all the time, air in a glass.
I didn’t say they were good….
P.S. Don’t forget to check out the contest page for your chance to win a signed copy of SLEEPING WITH WARD CLEAVER and other wild prizes.