I am the most boring person alive- by Deb Eileen

I opened up my purse and dumped it onto the table. I was hoping that there might be something really interesting that had fallen to the bottom- but nope. Based on the contents of my purse I am the most boring person alive.

My purse contains the following:
– one cell phone
– one Moleskin journal to write down inspiration for new novel (or grocery list)
– one pen that works
– one pen that is out of ink, but that I keep seemingly in a desperate hope that someday the ink fairy will come and heal it Lazarus style
– wallet (contains one credit card, driver’s license and sundry cards for discounts at different stores and reciepts that I swear some day I’m going to organize)
– one tampon in case of emergency
– one pack of gum
– one tube Bert’s Bees minty lip balm
– one scrap of paper with a random note to myself that I have no idea what it means anymore- but I can’t throw it out because I have the vague feeling it could be important

My purse is more famous for what it doesn’t have in it. I am always the person who never has a stamp or enough change for the meter. I always forget to put my lip stick in there so by the end of the day any make up is long gone. Every time I get a headache I search through the bag- but I’ve never come across a container of Advil in there. Once I showed up for a flight and realized that I didn’t even have my driver’s license in my purse for some reason and had to talk my way onto the flight based on my gym membership card. I never have the needed safety pin to save myself from certain fashion disaster.

I want to be the kind of person who has all sorts of James Bond type gadgets in their purse. I have a friend who can pull out enough snacks from her purse to serve a full buffet. Sometimes I buy large purses withe idea that I’ll starting carrying all of this stuff around, but it never happens.

The moral of this story is that if I am ever dropped on a deserted island with nothing but the contents of my purse- I will not survive.

Unless I remembered to charge the cell phone of course…

11 Replies to “I am the most boring person alive- by Deb Eileen”

  1. Your purse doesn’t sound boring. It sounds organized. Simply stocked with the essentials. My purse is a bottomless pit of crap. I’m Ally Sheedy from The Breakfast Club. Remember when she dumps her purse in front of Emilio Estevez and Anthony Michael-Hall? Nine hundred pens, seventeen notepads, enough feminine essentials to last me until menopause, banished lipsticks, wadded up receipts and empty wrappers. I once found a shriveled banana down there. How do you lose track of a banana in your purse?

  2. Not boring – minimalist. You’ve survived thus far – so it’s good enough. Plus, if you hang around with people like Jenny, you’ll never want for anything.

  3. Where is it written that the contents of your purse reflect your personality, Eileen? And, even if that was true, you would be considered a carefree minimalist or confidently fancy free! 😉

  4. If you’re boring what am I? My “purse” is the free coin purse from a Clinique promotion from about seven years ago. It has my credit card, driver’s license, ATM and various other cards in it, a few dollars, and one random receipt. The trick to all day lipstick is Maybelline Superstay lip colour. It really lasts all day and except for the really dark colours, it doesn’t dry out your lips. I’m pretty sure that this minimalist purse is why my husband married me. I remember on our first date I held it up and said, “Can you put this in your pocket?” and he said, “THAT’S IT? THAT’S ALL YOU’RE TAKING?” It was love at first sight of my purse because he knows he’ll NEVER have to hold it in the mall while I try on clothes!

  5. Eileen, I would still hang out with you on a deserted island because even if we had nothing, you would keep me laughing to the end. And the end would be a long way away because we’re resourceful women regardless of purse contents.

    Joelle, that’s a great story about how you and your husband fell in love. I think you could make that into a great magazine article. So funny!

  6. I aspire to return to my Joelle-like carefree college days when I had my license, Student ID, ATM, a handful of dollars and that’s IT. Because when you’re hauling a backpack to class, or when you intend to dance and drink the night away, who wants to keep track of a purse?

    I never wear lipstick anyway because it just ends up all over my kids’ faces if I do, but I carry a few tubes in my purse in case I’m going somewhere fancy, like the post office. I wonder if that Maybelline Superstay stuff will stay off baby cheeks?

  7. If you are boring for the contents in your purse, I must have had a lobotomy (sp? because you know they took that part of my brain.)All I have is my wallet, a phone, my keys, and a book.

    Lastly, “enough feminine essentials to last me until menopause” that is snort worthy Vivi.

  8. I’m Ally Sheedy, only the anal-retention version. I was once at a shoe store (SHOCKING) and the lady trying on shoes next to me was complaining of a headache. I whipped out my fake animal fur-covered pill box and counted out 4 advil. Then I retrieved my bottle of water from said purse and made her swallow them. Another lady was watching us and asked, “You wouldn’t happen to have any allergy pills on you, would you?”

    I did. I gave her 2 Benadryl, passed the water bottle and then took out a tissue and wiped off the bottle, took out a tin of gloss and offered it to both ladies, who gladly availed themselves.

    There’s something wrong with me, isn’t there?

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