When I was five, my mother took me aside on the playground and gently suggested I not scream at the other children for using the swings my imaginary friends occupied.
Though I’ve had many imaginary friends come and go over the years, I cling to them every bit as ferociously now as I did back then. We have meaningful conversations about life and love and Pop Tarts. We brainstorm my latest novel over a glass of red wine and swap foot massages and knock-knock jokes.
We’re very close, my imaginary friends and me.
One of my favorite imaginary relationships is with Mister Rogers. Even if you aren’t from the same generation I am, there’s a good chance you grew up singing “Won’t You Be My Neighbor.”
We like to sing that together, Fred and me.
The fact that he’s been dead for seven years has not hindered our ability to have meaningful conversations about whether one can or cannot ever go down the drain. We always answer honestly when one of us asks whether our cardigan and sneakers clash.
In my mind, we are the very best of friends.
Another meaningful imaginary friendship in my life is Daniel Craig. Though our relationship is quite different from the one I share with Mister Rogers, I never tire of spending time groping him discussing important issues like politics and world hunger with Daniel. In my imaginary world, he is always naked up for a quiet evening of ice cream and chick flicks.
He also helps my husband mow the lawn sometimes. He’s a helpful guy, that Daniel.
Don’t worry, I have real friends, too. I just yelled at one yesterday for sitting on Meryl Streep while she napped on the sofa.
Are your imaginary friendships as vivid as mine? Do you play tennis with Mother Teresa or bake brownies with George Clooney?
If so, remind George to set the timer on the oven. He always forgets when he’s at my house.
When you say “bake brownies with George Clooney,” is “bake brownies” a euphemism? Because if it is, then the answer is a resounding yes.
And if by “George Clooney” you mean “Ben Affleck”, then I am also there.
I’ll have what she’s having! Don’t tell Miss Snark Clooney has been sneaking around your houses. She will not be pleased.
I’d stay and chat but Dolph Lundgren just told me he’d like gluten free pancakes for breakfast. I’d better go crack open some eggs. Now where’s my lingonberry syrup?
I am in serious awe of your photoshop skills, Tawna.
Huh. I KNOW you photoshopped that pic of you and Daniel, because he’s still locked–er, I mean relaxing–in my basement.
What do they mean photoshop? You swore those pictures were real.
Hm… Oh, there is a whole cast of characters occupying my mind – some real, some entirely made up.
I think I’d better stop there, before someone has me committed.
Patty, there’s plenty of room along the padded walls, don’t worry!
If ‘bake brownies’ is a euphemism, I really think setting a timer is harsh…
Patrick – That’s a win!
who needs an imagination when your photoshopping skills are that impressive? you can literally build your dream scenario.
Um, Tawna, I’d really appreciate it if you could er fix a picture I have of me with my not-imaginary friend, Gerard Butler. He and I are very close…I mean like. CLOSE, but there was a problem with the last picture we took together. Someone fixed it so it looked like he was in California and I was in Louisiana, but we all know that wasn’t how it went.
By the way, Mister Rogers was my friend too.
Danica, I once gave a friend a Photoshop boob job when she was displeased with how they appeared in a picture. Another time I was trying to get a group photo of all the helicopter mechanics at an air ambulance service I was working for. I couldn’t ever get all five guys in one place at one time, so I tried to Photoshop one of the guys into place using a different pic of him. I was zoomed in so tight doing the detail work and didn’t realize until I zoomed back out that I accidentally Photoshopped one of the guys with his arm around the other while wielding a wrench with the other hand. They were not amused.
Tawna
Oh lord. I’m at school in a very quiet computer lab, and laughing at Patrick’s comment probably made me look a little crazy.
I have never seen Photoshop skills that beautiful before.
Imaginary friends? Denny Hamlin. I do have a Photoshopped pic of him and me, too.
Tawna, you could get hired in a second at the National Enquirer art department if you decide this whole book thing isn’t for you! 🙂
What you can’t see on the photo is that those are MY HANDS on Daniel Craig.
What else is there to say except I wonder who will be “appearing” with you, Tawana, next week? 😉
It scares me a little to read this. Mainly because I caused a Family Incident one Thanksgiving when I refused to let my aunt sit in the chair next to me because Turtle and Tiger were already there. The next year, Mom started the “kids’ table.” (Little did she know my imaginary friends sat at the big table anyway.)
I definitely continue to have imaginary friends, but now they’re the characters in my novels. (At least mostly…) They still like causing trouble, though, particularly when it comes to running away with the plot and leaving me wondering where they went and what I’m doing in this handbasket.
Susan, I love your Turtle and Tiger story! My mom called yesterday morning cracking up about the part of this post where I mentioned yelling at the other kids for trying to use the swings my imaginary friends were using. “People probably think you make this stuff up,” she said, “but I remember that whole incident quite vividly.” She’s very proud.
Tawna
This completely cracked me up. My imaginary gal friend is Joan Halloway from Madmen. She’s very good at making the right call and straightening it all out when I’ve made a complete mess of things. Sometimes I call on Fox Mulder from The X-Files because I think he’s sexy. But he’s a little paranoid sometimes.
Oh Tawna, bless you for this post! You always make me smile. LOVED it! 🙂
When George Clooney and I are backing brownies there is no way I want some dinging timer going off…
Terri, maybe that’s why George never sets the timer. He likes to take things nice and slow!
Tawna
OK, that was supposed to be “baking” not backing…
In other news, Fred Rogers was the only nice old man I allowed anywhere near my girls, separated as they were by a thick piece of glass. And Daniel doesn’t really do it for me. I’m into dark and hairy men…
Awww…thanks so much for all the lovely comments, guys. I have to say though, I’m a bit disappointed you think those pictures are Photoshopped. Daniel spent the whole evening crying about how no one respects our relationship the way they should. Don’t worry — I comforted him.
Tawna