This week, are writing about our perfect day. It was surprisingly hard to complete this post, because a perfect day could take a lot of different paths and all of them take time. What I figured out is this: I’m at a point in life right now where there is never enough time to do all the things I am supposed to do, let alone the things I want to do. My perfect day is going to involve reconfiguring space-time so the earth’s revolution slows and there are extra hours in the day. I will also reconfigure human physiology so I have more energy. So if it seems like my day ran long, please know I have accounted for this by altering the physical laws of the universe.
Okay. Enough geek speak. Let’s get started:
Perfect Day Requirement #1: I get to sleep, in a luxurious bed with super-high-thread-count sheets, UNTIL I WAKE UP.
I am the victim decades of self-inflicted sleep-deprivation, given that I chose two careers (medicine and parenthood) that pretty much eliminate normal sleep. During residency, I often worked 100+ hour weeks, sometimes with 40 hour shifts, and in my career as an ER doc, I had to switch days and nights so frequently I either fell asleep at inappropriate moments or couldn’t sleep at all. Then to cap things off, my firstborn child was a high-maintenance insomniac who didn’t sleep through the night until age six. That’s six years, not six months, mind you. The end result of all this forced wakefulness, was, obviously, brain damage. I’m definitely dumber than I used to be. Anyway, today I’m sleeping in.
Perfect Day Requirement #2: Nutritious, delicious meals prepared by Not Me.
I’m over cooking, y’all. I used to love cooking. Although I cannot follow a recipe, I’m the kind of creative chef who can whip up a delicious meal to feed five people out of some croutons and an elderly onion discovered in the back of the pantry (and, wow, it just occurred to me I am the exact same kind of writer, given that I cannot plot in advance). But do you know how much time goes into shopping and cooking and cleaning for five people? I’m done, I’m done, I’m done with domestic chores. Perfect day: some kind of food fairy is going to appear with all the meals and that same fairy is going to whisk away the detritus right afterwards.
Perfect Day Requirement #3: Hassle-free luxury travel*.
Okay, enough with the bitching. Now I am going to get fun. I’m going to travel. Traveling is a passion of mine. (I lied: I’m going to bitch a little, about how much air travel scares me. I’m not afraid of crashing, but dealing with airlines terrifies me, given that absolutely everything about the process is unpleasant. So for fantasy’s sake, I will be traveling by private jet.) My posh jet will land in some fabulous city—let’s say in Asia, because I’ve never been there—and with the limitless funds that come along in this fantasy, I will shop and dine and acquire some culture. I will not be lost because I will have a funny, knowledgable guide. Who is also hot. Then when the culturefest concludes, I will be whisked away to the world’s most Instagrammable hotel on a nearby beach. Somebody will escort me to a cabana with shade and a bed, and hand me a bourbon and a fat stack of books. My husband will lounge next to me, occasionally cracking me up with his fierce wit, and our beautiful children will frolic in front of us. No one will fight or throw sand or barf. When it’s bedtime, my children will fall asleep instantly and angelically, not in our bed. Massage people will materialize and we’ll get a nice rub on the balcony under the stars. More bourbon. Some, uh, marital interaction. Then all my girlfriends will appear and we will go out dancing. I’ll laugh so much I’ll get a faceache. I’ll come back, take a long bath in the world’s biggest tub full of lavender-scented water, and I’ll read until I’m sleepy. Then the process will repeat few times, since I have reconfigured space-time to make the day extra long. Cheers!
*Mine is a highly-cliched (and selfish) fantasy, I realize that. So I’ll throw in some totally random requirements for the benefit of all humanity:
—-Stinging insects are not allowed. Neither is whoever sets the policies for cable company customer service representatives.
—The world’s politicians—and especially those in the United States— will be compassionate, ethical, and competent. Any lawmakers not fulfilling these three characteristics will be required to live on minimum wage for the duration of their lives.
—-Everyone, especially children, will have access to books. All children will receive high-quality educations, from preschool on. Writers and teachers will be lauded like rock stars.