Learning to Lean by Deb Meredith

I’ve always been very independent. I need some time alone everyday to decompress (and write). I like to do things myself, and hate being told what to do.

And then I married someone as independent as I am. He is equally as bossy and opinionated. He needs time alone in his studio everyday. But we’ve managed to muddle along. We know to give each other space, and we like to do our own projects and activities. But we also both had to learn when to shut up and when to just be the helper before we were able to successfully cook together.

Marriage for me is really about learning to depend on someone else. It’s about leaning on your spouse and letting them lean on you when they need to. It’s also about doing things together—choosing furniture and paint, raising a child, having dinner parties, laughing and talking.

Parenthood has also been a big adjustment. I have someone leaning on me everyday, someone who I need to help grow into a self-sufficient man. But I also have to show my son that grown-ups not only stand on their own two feet, but they also need to reach out when they need a hand—and need someone to lean on.

Only occasionally do I fantasize about what it would be like to be a single gal again—able to run out and do whatever I want whenever I want to do it. But it’s mostly when I’m at the computer writing my Lydia McKenzie mystery series. And then I remember how lonely it is to be single, and how much I’d miss my guys. And I shut my laptop and joyfully return to my life.

Happy Independence (and Dependence) Week!