I wrote goofy sonnets for each of the other deb releases this year. I don’t know if I can do that for this book. But bear with me…
What I want, after reading Cancer is a Bitch, is to run out and live my life. I want to hurl myself into the person I am supposed to be, the person I’m still becoming but some days backsliding from, hiding from, running away from.
I want to shut down the restlessness that keeps me awake at night and drives me to haunt real estate listings looking for my dream house, my dream city (or charming country town), looking for a place in which I can finally be me and my family can be happy and safe and less stressed. Because of course I would get there and start yearning for something else; a cottage, a farmhouse, a houseboat, more happiness, more safety, less stress…
I want to look at the flaws in myself and the people around me with more patience and acceptance. At the same time I want to fix everything immediately and stop tolerating all bullshit, from any source.
I want to go to Italy and run
A marathon, or maybe just a half…
I want to accept that I hate to run.
I don’t want to, but I’ll rhyme the line with calf
And think about hospital staff
And Gail, sometimes joking
And sometimes avoiding their eyes,
And pressing pen to paper in her solitary hut,
Candle lit, mojo burning,
And waking up each day asking for more,
More life, more everything.
And praying and fighting and thinking and worrying
About thinking and worrying too much,
And looking for change and truth and
Finding everything changed and also nothing at all…
I want to not write a sonnet when a sonnet doesn’t want to be written,
To take bellydancing and kiss Michael more often,
And somehow memorize everything, say everything
And not spend a fraction of a second of my time
on people who are stupid or shallow or mean
or who want me to be less—less of anything.
I want to be brave and give freely
And dress my scars in purple satin,
And cure cancer, damn it.
Deb Danielle (who is still wearing her tiara, misses you all terribly and is so proud and honored to be part of this incredible and expanding group of damned scribbling women)