Alright. I admit it. Glue sticks make me giddy –especially this year. Why? Here’s the long and the short of it (although I never particularly understood that saying.. is it long or is it short??) either way I will explain. Experienced moms will laugh, new moms take notes. I mean it.
My husband and I agreed long ago to only have one child. We decided it would be a boy, and despite passing on the complicated sex-selection process, we got the little man we planned on. His name is Ethan. He is in every way a testosterone titan; never stopping for a moment, except to sleep (once about every 36 hours) or when the Chocolate Lucky Charms run out. After attending Harvard-priced pre-school, Ethan couldn’t wait to start Kindergarten, and I was relieved he wouldn’t be one of the traumatized munchkins who’s parents would need sedatives on the first day. Kindergarten came and went. It was a good year. I even made a scrapbook. My surprised husband kept checking my forehead for a high fever.
Summer finally arrived, (here’s where it gets amusing) and I decided against, (yes against)sending our half-pint hurricane to camp. After all, I thought, my poor son had spent all those grueling months in school, being subjected to the horrors of early education. He deserved a break from tedious word lists and Fiskar scissors didn’t he? I had no major projects pending, my Summer was completely open. We would enjoy some delightful quality time at home, just me and my son. Two peas in a pod. Let the love and bonding begin!
A month later my husband received an urgent call on his cell phone from yours truly.
Him: “Hello?”
Me: “Please come home.”
Him: “Hon, are you ok? What’s wrong?”
Me: “I can’t take it anymore. Your son (that’s what moms always say when they’ve had it) has destroyed the house, tried to set the cat on fire, and inadvertently blinded me with superglue –and that was just in the last hour!”
Him: “Ok, put him on the phone so I can speak to him.”
(I pass the phone over)
My husband: “Ethan, your Mother is very upset.”
Heathen child: “Dad, I want to tell you something.”
My husband: “Sure buddy, go ahead.”
Heathen child: “Mommy is driving me crazy, and I’m SOOOOOooo BORED. Can I go to camp?”
Yep, this year glue sticks are right up there with Dior perfume. I’ve purchased extra Fiskar scissors, more #2’s than I care to mention, and I even tried on my son’s bright yellow poncho for kicks. My husband said I looked like E.T. and we all laughed so hard we fell to the floor for our final late-night family tickle-fest.
School is back, and so is my sanity. I have to go now and check the camp schedule for next year.
I guess that’s what I have to look forward to in a few years! Mine is still little and cuddly, but he’s only 11 weeks old, it is tough for him to set fire to anything.
You always crack me up. Can’t wait to read the book!
I just love your madcap energy and humor, Maria! And, um, I HEAR you! I’m on the verge of wearing glue like perfume, I’m liking the smell so much…
I love this, Maria! This sounds exactly like my house if my kids and I never got a break from each other. I think our munchkins are the same age, my son just started first grade.
times like this I think it’s good I have dogs. Sure they eat the occasional library book, but they can’t work matches or the superglue tube
I love camp. I wish someone would send me to summer camp, but my husband might starve. And who would freeze all that zucchini coming in from our one plant ALL summer?
Too funny!
Your son sounds a LOT like you, Maria — High Energy personified! 😀
LMAO! I can sooo here you tell this story! Your nuts and I still love ya my Dominican Sista!