I love this week’s topic. My first book- In the Stars– is about a woman who fakes psychic abilities in an effort to get her ex boyfriend back. As any writer will tell you one of the best things about writing is finding things to do to procrastinate doing the actual writing. As a result, I spent a lot of time avoiding writing by researching psychics, talking to people who claim to be psychics, and talking to people who go to psychics.
The last thing I would do is tell anyone that a deeply meaningful experience they had with a psychic was a lot of hooey. Who am I to say if you were in touch with the great beyond or not? What I can tell you is it is easier than you might imagine to fake psychic skills.
A few of the fake psychic skills I’ve learned:
• Tell people what they want to hear. People like psychics who predict things such a new love, exciting change in career, or travel. No one likes the psychic who looks into the crystal ball and says “Yep well, not much here. Looks like your life will be pretty dull, you’ll watch a lot of bad TV, vacation at your parents place, have a few nasty bouts of a foot fungus, and then die in your 80’s. Looks like your cats will chew on you before others find the body.”
• Stick to general things that work for just about anyone. “I can see you that at times you are disappointed that you haven’t worked as hard as you should have at work/a relationship etc..” Or “You like a range of people, but are very selective when choosing a close friend or confidant.” Avoid saying things that are very detailed and possibly wildly off the mark. “You have disturbing fantasies about your pet.”
• If you are wrong, blame the person getting the reading. “You don’t have disturbing fantasies about your pet? Hmmm- are you concentrating because I can’t pick up the psychic vibes without your effort.”
Want to learn more about how to fake psychic ability so you can impress friends and family? Well, you’ll have to buy the book (In the Stars) when it comes out in February. In fact I can see the future; if you don’t buy the book bad things could happen. I see a piano falling on your head from a great height or possibly a foot fungus. Your pet looks nervous too. Just to be safe you better buy a couple of copies.
I’m psychic (or is it psychotic, terrible memory) I predict you will go on to great success as a writer. Enjoy it.
Now there’s a great sales pitch — prey on a potential reader’s superstition! Hee. It works for me, although (in full disclosure) I used to do astrological charts. :o))
Now, at the end of that post, shouldn’t you add that if I don’t send this to 10 of my closest friends (if I’m sending them spam mail, doesn’t that automatically disqualify them as being my closest friends or say something about what type of friend I am?) within the next 10 minutes that the foot fungus will spread to my fingernails, too? 🙂 Good post, as always.
Oh, and I’ll be sure to buy two copies of the book – just in case. 😉
Just think – now your book can be shelved in both fiction and career advice 🙂 And yes, you should definitely work the chain-letter angle into your marketing!
What fun research! I think you should offer to do psychic readings at your book events. And I’m all for the use of chain-letters as marketing tools. (Especially ones that threaten foot fungus… yuck!)
HA! Eileen, I SO don’t need foot fungus, in fact, the only fungus I need in my life is of the mushroom variety. So you’ve talked me into it, I’ll be waiting at the bookstore in February!
My dog died, I already have foot fungus so my only concern is that damn piano. I hope that I can live to my 80’s so I’ll go out and buy more copies of that book. Now if she would just watch the FOX News channel, I might increase those purchases to insure a spot on the NYT Best Seller List.
I can’t wait to read your book. I’d buy it even without the threats 🙂
Hmmm … I predict a very successful debut novel … in English and, oh, maybe German, not to mention a few other languages that remain to be seen … oh, and the movie, soon to be in theatres everywhere …
Let’s see, what else? Oh, I see you throwing a huge Debutante Ball for your fellow Debs with one of those three-tier chocolate fountains. And champagne! LOTS of good bubbly.
Hold on, I’m getting a message … ooh, it’s coming in strong … oh, Eileen, a new laptop? For me? Really, you shouldn’t have! But okay, I accept. But all the bells and whistles? Isn’t that a bit over the top? Well, okay, if you insist.
I’m off to finally order my copy of IN THE STARS (along with the rest of the Debs’ books – I’ve been remiss but I’m back in the saddle!) … I know I’ll love it. How’s that for predicting the future?!