Two Lies and a Truth

What would a Wednesday post be without my usual memoirist tilt on the Debs’ topic? This week we’re writing random fun facts about ourselves, but since, as a memoirist, I have so many opportunity to talk about the details of my life, I thought it would be fun to instead FABRICATE! Novelists get to make crap up all the time, but I am extremely shackled to telling the truth. Not this week, friends.

In each section below, I’ve written two lies and one truth. Can you tell which is which?

 

In my twenties, I got to star as the voice over for the Muppet Camilla the Chicken.
Three years ago, I climbed the tallest mountain in the world.
When I was in high school, I won a state math contest two years in a row and participated in the national level.

 

While hiking in Montana, I spotted an elusive and rare wolverine near the top of a mountain named Hilgard Peak.
On a trail run in Moab, Utah –  7 miles from my car and 65 miles from cell reception – a rattlesnake bit me on the ankle.
In elementary school, a brown recluse bit me on my knee and it swelled to three times its normal size.

 

The world’s preeminent mountain runner, Killian Jornet, once passed me on Pikes Peak trail headed the opposite direction and we ended up having a lengthy conversation which culminated with him kissing me on the cheek.
At my first 100K, I earned an award carved from a slice of tree trunk and I replaced my wedding photo on the mantle with it.
I had the opportunity this last week to pace for the woman who came in third place at Hardrock 100.

 

I only consume oyster shooters while intoxicated.
In his spare time, my husband creates and sells designer cakes, for instance once in the shape of a cluster of mountains.
When vacationing in Rome, I accidentally ordered and began to eat tripe…sheep stomach.

 

*This picture has absolutely nothing to do with the topic but it happens to be from my most recent run. I took it on the south end of the Grand Tetons. And that’s a true story!

 

Okay here are the answers:

I only won a state math contest in my dreams (I did however win at the county level three out of four years), I would never in a million years get to play a muppet, but I HAVE climbed the world’s tallest peak. Key word there is “tallest” (versus “highest”). Hawaii’s Mauna Kea is only 13,807 feet when measured from sea level but it rises a whopping 33,000 from its oceanic base. That’s 4,000 feet taller than Everest!

A rattlesnake *almost* bit me on that trail run in Moab, and I’d never be lucky enough to see a wolverine (do you know what a wolverine is? look them up!), but that brown recluse story is totally true. I had a thing for playing in creeks when I was a kid in Missouri.

The story about Kilian Jornet is how I recount the encounter when drunk. In reality, I moved off to the side of the trail for him and he just nodded and said thanks. Still, I like to think there was a sparkle in his eye. The story about pacing during Hardrock is also false. I’m not nearly fast enough for that honor but I did get to hang out with the woman who did. The tree trunk award? True! I earned it for coming in DFL…dead f*cking last.

I mean, who would eat oyster shooters while sober? The sheep stomach incident happened to my sister-in-law, but my husband actually does make cute – and ridiculously intricate cakes – on the rare occasion. He did in fact once design one in the shape of a cluster of mountains; it was adorable and precious, but maybe not up to the professional sales level.

 

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Lynn Hall is a memoirist, activist in the movement to end sexual violence, ultra-runner, and crazy cat lady. Her memoir, CAGED EYES: AN AIR FORCE CADET’S STORY OF RAPE AND RESILIENCE, was published by Beacon Press in February 2017. Her writing has previously appeared in the New York Times, The LA Times, Hippocampus Magazine, The Sexual Assault Report, The Manifest-Station, Signs: Journal of Women in Culture and Society, and elsewhere. In the summers, Lynn copes with publication anxiety by spending too many days in the Colorado mountains, and in the winters, with pans of brownies. She lives in Boulder with her partner and their 23 cats. Just kidding…she only has five.

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