Why is it that fast-food burgers taste like HEAVEN when you get them hot and fresh, but that same burger will taste like burnt seaweed a few hours later when you re-heat it in the microwave? I’ve seen workers warm up burgers in microwaves at fast-food joints a million times.. so what am I missing? Do they have access to some revolutionary “waves” that I need to get a hold of? Is there a burger shelf-life I’m unaware of? These are the things that keep me awake at night.
Soooo now that we got that out of the way, let’s get to the topic at hand. MY BOOK! Funny, I wrote a whole book and had plenty to say while I was writing it, but suddenly I’m at a loss for words. Actually getting choked up a bit… hang on.. lip quivering, tears streaming…. I need a minute.
Ok, I have GOT to peeling onions when I’m blogging!
101 Ways to Torture Your Husband has finally arrived, and I’ll tell ya, Momma has been ready to birth this baby for quite some time now. Publishing a book is truly the closest thing to giving birth there is. Even morning sickness applies; it happens the day after you land your publishing deal and you realize complete strangers will eventually be reading your innermost thoughts –and possibly discussing them on facebook.
As with the fast-food burger and the microwave, there are many mysteries I have yet to understand about the publishing world. For example, why is it that Barnes and Noble released my book in stores WEEKS before my actual release date? I dunno… but then again, I L O V E them for it! Yay Barnes and Noble!!!! Obviously you guys like to get a jump on things, and for that you have my eternal devotion. Here’s another mystery: why is it when I walk into stores my book will either be:
a) prominently displayed on the “New Releases” table
or
b) stuffed into some cobwebbed corner of the “Humor” section
Add this to the list of things that keep me up at night…but boy, I really feel like any minute now I’m going to wake up from this dream and be back on the farm with Auntie M after suffering a major bang on the head. It still doesn’t seem real. God, ya really outdid yourself with this one big guy! Thanks for the ride. I’ll be pinching myself all the way to The Oprah Show.
Ok, so on to our little contest. Simply leave a comment below and I’ll randomly pick 2 winners who will receive an autographed copy of my book. (No Mom, you can’t participate.) Hey listen.. I would love to give you ALL a free copy, but the baby needs a new pair of shoes. Whose baby? I’m not sure exactly…but I believe they requested black patent leather -and those don’t come cheap.
Thanks for stopping in. Good luck, and Happy Torturing!
~Maria
Congratulations Maria! It must be a wonderful feeling to see your hard work come to fruition. I wish you lots of continued success in the future!!!
Hi Maria, congratulations to your great success. I can really imagine how satisfied you feel. All the best to you and your coming “babies”.
On behalf of all the husbands: Gee, thanks alot, like my wife needed anymore help torturing me. But in all seriousness, congratulations.
Yay Maria! I’m toasting you with my morning cup of tea (the hubby is in bed, cowering in fear of future torturings, or he’d join me).
Congratulations! If your book is half as funny as this post, it’s hilarious! I’d love to be entered.
Congratulations, Maria! I’m so excited to find a copy of your book. I tried on Tuesday at my local Borders, but their organization is terrible and I couldn’t find anything I looked for, despite their computers saying it was all in stock.
Maria_ I know exactly how you feel! The Summer We Fell Apart came out January 5th.. and now everyone can have at it – which is a little disconcerting! It’s like having someone pick apart your children! Good luck with the book – enjoy the time and oh -ignore the FB comments…. or any comments for that matter. You did it – you are here and truly – that’s what matters!
Congratulations, Maria! I just got married this summer and I’m sure a book like this will come in handy as the years pass :)My own novel will be published this summer, so it’s great to hear about your experience!
Hit the book stores and put that book front and center!
I’m so happy to have found this blog through FB. Your post is hilarious especially the part about the baby (whose baby?!) and the patent leather shoes. I also love the picture as you look so genuine and happy! Thanks for making me laugh. It’s very hard to do through the near-constant migraines at this time, but YOU managed to do it. Huzzah! Much success to you and your book. 🙂
Congrats! I can only imagine how exciting it is to see your book in bookstores! I would love to win an autographed copy! I am participating in the Debs Challenge and your book counts (of course!)
My brother used to work fast food, and at the end of the night they were allowed to take home any pre-made items that hadn’t sold. Mom stored these burgers in the freezer, and we microwaved them up days later. They must have been foul, but I remember them as a huge treat ;-P
Congrats on your big week! 🙂
Maria,
I love the book!
It is a funny book!
Don’t forget I’m writing the oposite!
Btw, a hug will do it!!
Congrats on your new book – I can’t wait to read it!