Writing an author bio is challenging for many debut authors, who often don’t have many/any publishing credits to list. It’s always a toss-up on what tone you want to strike—brief and professional? Or longer and folksy? You want to be real, but not too real. This week I decided to write the author bio that could never make the final cut.
Version 1: Julie Clark grew up in Santa Monica, California, where she teaches and writes full time. THE ONES WE CHOOSE is her first novel.
Version 2: Julie Clark is struggling to say anything meaningful about herself, above and beyond her love of reading and BBQ potato chips. She lives in Los Angeles, California with her two sons, and compulsively worries that THE ONES WE CHOOSE is too long for the title of a debut novel.
Version 3: Julie Clark is tired. Probably because of Standard Time + her two children + a dog who likes to steal socks, paper towels, and youngest son’s food.
Version 4: Despite growing up in the greater Los Angeles area, Julie Clark is reluctant to venture outside a five-mile radius of her Santa Monica home, convinced she will die a slow death whilst looking for parking.
Version 5: In addition to her writing, Julie Clark has mastered the fine art of noodle cooking, and can say “Be careful” in four different languages. (Important note: the one ASL sign she knows doesn’t really mean “be careful” but that’s what she told her kids that one time they caught her using it.)
Version 6: Having been a teacher for the past twenty years, Julie Clark is surprisingly terrible at remembering names. Unless you happen to be one of her students, in which case she will know it by ten o’clock recess.
Version 7: Because of the many hours Julie Clark spends writing, she is a terrible housekeeper and the proud owner of four separate junk drawers. THE ONES WE CHOOSE features zero junk drawers.
Version 8: Julie Clark loves her job. She loves her kids. She loves her dog. She wishes she could sleep past 6:30 AM. No one else in her house seems to share this goal.
Version 9: Julie Clark has won no awards or published anything prior to THE ONES WE CHOOSE. She’s best known for having the same name as the creator of Baby Einstein.
Version 10: Julie Clark grew up in Santa Monica, California, where she teaches and writes full time. THE ONES WE CHOOSE is her first novel.