Robin Williams’ death stunned me, and if Facebook is any indication, his premature demise has got many people thinking about the ramifications of depression. I’ve admired him for years in large part because I knew what he battled.
When I look back on KILMOON’s book launch, I can’t help but wonder what effect depression had on my efforts. For example, how many more copies could I have sold if I’d had the energy to organize more book signings?
I have regrets, but they’re useless regrets because I can’t control depression. Since I can’t fully control my actions because I can’t fully control my energy levels, what am I supposed to do? I would love to not crash and burn again. (I haven’t been revising my second book either. I haven’t been doing much of anything.)
What to do? The best I can. That’s all I can ask of myself. So I propose that for the next book I plan to do a better job of doing the best I can without pushing myself over the edge or getting down on myself.
The saddest part of all this is that I look back on the last … hmm … 15 years and imagine how many more novels I could have written by now, how much farther along I could be in my career — how many more books published! Without depression, maybe by now I’d be happily writing fiction full time.
Coulda, woulda, shoulda — the bain of my existence.
As an aside, I am proud of myself. Try to imagine the sheer force of will it takes to overcome the downward tendencies to THEN be able to expend yet more energy to do what needs to be done. It’s exhausting, and I did it.
For insight into what depression is truly like, see this brilliant blog post:
Do you have any advice for me, for the next book? I’ll need to be working with whatever energy level I have.
Latest posts by Lisa Alber (see all)
- The New Deb Line-Up Begins Monday — Please Welcome the Class of 2015! - Saturday, August 30, 2014
- The Last Goodbye, the Last Blog Post, and All Good Things - Friday, August 29, 2014
- An Era Almost Ends — the 2014 Debs and Some of Our Favorite Posts - Saturday, August 23, 2014
- Hey, I’m Not Thinking About My Next Novel At All (Kidding) - Friday, August 22, 2014
- Robin Williams, Me, and Doing It Differently - Friday, August 15, 2014