Torture my husband? Never. The man’s a saint. Well, maybe there’s one tiny little thing he did recently that would warrant a bit of torture: He walked over to me and calmly asked, “Where do you keep the diapers?”
I wouldn’t have known how to adequately punish him had it not been for Maria’s book, 101 Ways to Torture Your Husband. Maybe it wouldn’t have been such a shocking question if our baby were a week old, rather than a YEAR old. And it’s not like the man hasn’t changed diapers before. He can practically do it one-handed. But my hubby suffers from selective vision – if something isn’t where he expects it to be, he can’t find it, even if it’s in plain sight just a shelf or a few feet over.
Instead of getting into yet another tiff, I’m turning to my favorite torture tip: Bury his remote control in the back yard. Because I have a feeling that if his beloved clicker went AWOL, he might suddenly acquire the keen senses of a bomb-sniffing dog, and be able to locate it in record time. And I could whip out that example the next time he inquires where we keep the mustard/dog food/car keys.
Or maybe I should get a massage by a male masseuse (hey, it was Maria’s idea!) You know, PURELY for the torturing cause.
Remember, this week Deb Maria is going to give away a copy of her book, 101 Ways to Torture Your Husband to one lucky commenter – be sure to check out her post tomorrow and leave a remark to enter to win! It’s a fun, sassy read that’s a perfect gift for just about any woman. Because we all know that any husband can benefit from a bit of torturing. And its tips aren’t limited to husbands – boyfriends are husbands-in-training, and it’s smart to start the torturing soon.
You can buy a copy of Maria’s book here. Happy torturing!