Congratulations to Susan Swiderski, winner of a copy of The Princesses of Iowa!
In honor of Mother’s Day, I thought I’d repost this essay I wrote last summer after a student’s mother asked me what she should be doing to help her child become a writer.
(Spoiler alert: Basically I wrote down all the things my mom did for me. And after last weekend? When my mom helped to organize my hometown launch party and invited everyone in the entire county, and personally hand sold like 100 copies of my book to the residents of southern Wisconsin? I’ll add: “Even if she acts embarrassed and calls you ‘the Dina Lohan of Dane County’ on Facebook, know that she’s secretly convinced she couldn’t do it without you.”)
Happy Mother’s Day, MamaBackes!
How to Raise a Writer
A few weeks ago, a woman asked me for advice about her teenage daughter. “She wants to be a writer,” the mother said. “What should we be doing?”
To be honest, I was kind of stumped. (In part, I think it was the way she asked it – “What should WE be doing?” I didn’t really know what to do with that “we.”) (Also, it was quite early in the day, and I hadn’t yet had sufficient coffee to be giving anyone advice.) I suggested a few upcoming creative writing classes, but the mother wasn’t satisfied. There must be more – what else could they do?
“Well,” I said, “you know. Writers read a lot… and write a lot.”
She looked at me blankly.
“You really do have to write a lot,” I said. “I mean, that’s mostly it. You write a lot.”
The mother shook her head. “What else? Are there books she can read? Events she can attend? Writing camps?”
“Um,” I said. “Sometimes writers have writing buddies… they meet at coffee houses and write together?”
The mother liked this suggestion. “You could do that!” she told her daughter. The girl blushed.
I offered some titles of books to read. Writing Down the Bones, Wild Mind, Bird by Bird. If You Want to Be a Writer. Letters to a Young Poet. The Metamorphoses. (I know Ovid doesn’t have a lot of advice for writers; I just like to push the Metamorphoses on people. It’s a soap opera in verse!)
The mother scribbled them down. I had a feeling she’d buy them all for her daughter, perhaps before the day was over, but she still seemed to be waiting for something. I felt like I wasn’t giving her what she wanted, and though she was being really polite about it, I actually felt bad that I couldn’t come up with an answer that would satisfy her.
The feeling stuck with me all day – I chewed over her question and wondered if there was something I’d forgotten, some crucial piece of advice I could have given to placate her. But the more I thought about it, the more confused I became about why my initial answer wasn’t enough. Fact: writers write. Fact: In order to be a writer you have to write a lot. A LOT. Fact: there’s no shortcut.
(I do want to say that I think it’s really great that this mother — or any mother — is looking for ways to actively support her kid’s writing. I also imagine it might be challenging to have a kid who wants to be a writer — it’s not like you can just go out and join the Band Boosters and support your child’s passion by raising money to buy new trumpets or whatever. There’s no ‘Poet Boosters’ for parents.)
So now it’s a few weeks later and I’m still thinking about it, and I’m still a little perplexed by the question. But I’ve had some coffee, and I’m ready to take another crack at it.
What should you do to help your child pursue her dreams of becoming a writer?
First of all, let her be bored. Let her have long afternoons with absolutely nothing to do. Limit her TV-watching time and her internet-playing time and take away her cell phone. Give her a whole summer of lazy mornings and dreamy afternoons. Make sure she has a library card and a comfy corner where she can curl up with a book. Give her a notebook and five bucks so she can pick out a great pen. Insist she spend time with the family. It’s even better if this time is spent in another state, a cabin in the woods, a cottage on the lake, far from her friends and people her own age. Give her some tedious chores to do. Make her mow the lawn, do the dishes by hand, paint the garage. Make her go on long walks with you and tell her you just want to listen to the sounds of the neighborhood.
Let her be lonely. Let her believe that no one in the world truly understands her. Give her the freedom to fall in love with the wrong person, to lose her heart, to have it smashed and abused and broken. Occasionally be too busy to listen, be distracted by other things, have your nose in a great book, be gone with your own friends.
Let her have secrets. Let her have her own folder on the family computer. Avoid the temptation to read through her notebooks. Writing should be her safe haven, her place to experiment, her place to work through her confusion and feelings and thoughts. If she does share her writing with you, be supportive of her hard work and the journey she’s on. Ask her questions about her craft and her process. Ask her what was hardest about this piece and what she’s most proud of. Don’t mention publication unless she mentions it first. Remember that writing itself is the reward.
Let her get a job. Let her work long hours for crappy pay with a mean employer and rude customers. If she wants to be a writer, she’ll have to be comfortable with hard work and low pay. Let her spend her own money on books and lattes – they’ll be even sweeter when she’s worked hard for them.
Let her fail. Let her write pages and pages of painful poetry and terrible prose. Let her write crushingly bad fan fiction. Don’t freak out when she shows you stories about Bella Swan making out with Draco Malfoy. Never take her writing personally or assume it has anything to do with you, even if she only writes stories about dead mothers and orphans.
Let her go without writing if she wants to. Never nag her about writing, even if she’s cheerful when writing and completely unbearable when she’s not. Let her quit writing altogether if she wants to.
Let her make mistakes.
Let her stay after school to work on the newspaper, but only if she wants to. Let her publish embarrassingly personal stories in the school literary magazine. Let her spill the family’s secrets. Let her tell the truth, even if you’d rather not hear it.
Let her sit outside at night under the stars. Give her a flashlight to write by.
Let her find her own voice, even if she has to try on the voices of a hundred others first to do so. Let her find her own truth, even if she has to spin outrageous lies in search of it. Remember that her truth isn’t the same as anyone else’s truth, and that even if you were there with her when it happened, your memories of a moment will likely be vastly different from hers. Let her write thinly-veiled memoirs disguised as fiction. It’s okay if she massages past events to make a better story, or leaves entire years of her life on the cutting room floor. It’s okay if she writes about characters who have nothing to do with her life, her experience, or her world. That’s what fiction is.
Let her write poetry on her jeans and her shoes and her backpack, even if you just bought them brand new.
Keep her safe but not too safe, comfortable but not too comfortable, happy but not too happy.
Above all else, love and support her. Love her and believe in her. Love her, and let her go. In the end, your love is all that matters, and it will be enough. The rest will come from her.
Yesterday, Deb Joanne started off our week of Mothers with a wonderful tribute to our own Deb Mom Marcia. So today, I’m veering into the world of fictional moms—specifically those I’ve written.
In LITTLE GALE GUMBO, Camille Bergeron is mother to two very different daughters. I won’t say I modeled the relationships on my experience as one of two daughters and a mother who is very close to both of us, but it certainly gave me insight to how a mother can relate differently to her children (daughters in this case). As a writer, this fascinates me. And in writing Camille’s story, I was writing that of her daughters, too. Eldest daughter Dahlia is fiery and willful, wanting to push the envelope at every turn. Youngest daughter Josie is just the opposite: reserved and emotionally fragile. Camille is the glue that holds them together (and often in check)—so it was important to let her qualities help define those of her daughters. Her calm and quiet determination, her emotional strength and firm sense of loyalty always managed to help the sisters see through whatever issues they may have had with one another. But there’s no question that Camille’s relationship with each daughter is different: with Dahlia, she is supportive but allows Dahlia sufficient trust and independence. For Josie, Camille is much more motherly. Josie is so very attached to her mother, and always tries to keep the piece with her volatile father as a way to protect Camille. Josie also seeks her mother’s approval and is eager to emulate her cooking as well as learn her mother’s voodoo practices. Dahlia, by contrast, can’t stand to cook, has no faith or patience in voodoo, and does everything she can to avoid being the prisoner of love that she sees Camille as being. One mother–two interpretations of her through the eyes of two daughters.
So when it came time to write my next novel, THE MERMAID COLLECTOR, which releases in October, I wrote a very different mother character. Ruby shares little with Camille, except for her love of vibrant color and lush landscapes. Where Camille was emotionally strong and always the head of her family, Ruby is herself a child and utterly enslaved by her emotions and her inability to control them. Her daughter, the novel’s heroine Tess, spends her youth acting as the parent to her mentally-unstable mother until Ruby drowns when Tess is sixteen. Their mother-daughter relationship was often harder to write than Camille and her daughters, because Ruby couldn’t provide the traditional model of mothering that Camille could. Still, Ruby is loving and warm and nurturing in the best way she can be—I simply had to find ways to reveal those qualities within the framework of a desperately fragile person.
I think we can all agree that mothers are infinitely fascinating characters to write and to read—they come with layers built-in, just waiting to be peeled away. I’m already at work on a new WIP, and yes, another mother, different in her own ways…
So tell me: what are some literary mothers who have fascinated you? (They needn’t be endearing or well-behaved either—let’s face it! The most fascinating ones usually aren’t!)
My very favorite picture of me and my mom. Look at the mischief in her eyes.
This week’s theme is Mothers, and as I’m writing this, I should be cleaning my house and prepping food for my annual Mother’s Day BBQ—also known in these parts as The May Festival of Moms and Meat.
Unless this is your first Monday here at The Debutante Ball since last summer, you’ve met my mom, Marcia, down in the comments. She’s here pretty much every week, cheering me on.
And because she’s my head cheerleader (I should say co-head cheerleader, because my husband is a pretty excellent cheerleader, too, but his cheering is more of the quiet variety, albeit no less supportive) she’s not just here, commenting on my posts, but she’s out in the community, giving out my business cards and bookmarks and telling EVERYONE SHE KNOWS (and believe me, that’s a lot of people) and people she doesn’t know, about my book and my launch party. She’s the best publicist money didn’t buy and I really appreciate her efforts in getting the word out there*.
That Ms. Cook sure is tall.
But she’s not just a publicist, she’s a generous soul through and through; when I told her Eileen Cook (who neither of us have met in person before) would be in town, touring for Canada Book Week and would be spending the week living out of a suitcase and off of fast food, she immediately jumped at the opportunity to open her home and welcome Eileen in. She wanted to cook for Eileen so she could have at least one home-cooked meal during her tour. THAT is what great Moms do. Moms open their homes and hearts to you AND your friends because what is important to you, is important to them. And hey, if everyone pigs out eats, even better. So please join me in raising a glass to Marcia Levy, baker of kugel, Joanne Levy Street Team co-captain, Mom extraordinaire and, now that we don’t live together, wonderful friend that I’m so honored to call Mom. Happy Mother’s Day and Birthday (both one day later)! And by the way, if my house wasn’t clean enough for you yesterday, I hope this post makes up for it, because it’s the reason I didn’t clean as much as I probably should have.
Love you, Mom. XOXO
J
*My dad is an excellent cheerleader, too, but his efforts are more subdued, like my husband’s, and hey we’re talking about Mothers, here. Dads get their turn in June.
Congratulations to Jasmine Rose, winner of a copy of The Mapmaker and the Ghost!
The winner of Deb Molly’s Launch Week Giveaway will be announced on Wednesday!
From the 2012 Debs…
Deb Joanne – would like to wish all of the Moms out there-and particularly my mom, who is also celebrating her 29th birthday (again) today-a very happy Mother’s Day! Also, I was able to meet Founding Deb Eileen Cook this past week and even took her home to meet Deb Mom Marcia, who cooked a huge meal which included KUGEL. Sorry other Debs, I know you’re jealous. It was great seeing Eileen who is even more delightful in person than online, if you can believe that.
Deb Erika I’m so excited to be a part of the South Carolina Book Festival in Columbia, SC, next weekend, May 19-20th! I’ll be presenting on two panels–one of which with our Deb Friend Therese Fowler! For those of you who will be in the area, I hope you’ll come by–and if not, I will do my best to provide pics! (And yes, Deb Erika is VERY jealous of that kugel–and speaking of which: Happy Mother’s Day to our resident Deb Mom Marcia!)
Deb Molly just celebrated the launch of The Princesses of Iowa with over 100 people at her Hometown Launch Party! Huge thanks to everyone who came out to celebrate with us! (And a big thanks to Mamabackes for helping to organize the whole thing!) TheChicago Launch Party is next Friday, May 18, at StoryStudio Chicago — come join us!
Deb Linda wants to wish Deb Mom Marcia a Very Happy Birthday, and a Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there!
Deb Rachel will be reading from MWF Seeking BFF this Wednesday at Books & Books in Coral Gables, Florida. She’d love to meet you!
Past Deb News
Deb Eleanor and Deb Sarah Pekkanen will be at the Gaithersburg Book Festival next Saturday, May 19th, in Gaithersburg, MD! Among our beloved Debs in attendance will also be lots of Deb Guests, including Matthew Quick, Alex George, Samuel Park, Sarah McCoy, and Siobhan Fallon!
Deb Sarah Jio announced that the e-book for her upcoming release BLACKBERRY WINTER is now available for pre-order at several sites, including Amazon and B&N–great news!
Deb Friends
Deb Guest Jennifer Gooch Hummer wrote a piece for Psychology Today on Mother’s Day–read it here!
Deb Dish – In honor of Mother’s Day (and next week’s theme) who is one of your favorite literary Moms?
Deb Joanne - I was thinking about this earlier – these kinds of posts always make me draw blanks, but I think probably Marilla Cuthbert from ANNE OF GREEN GABLES. She wasn’t a mother at the beginning of the book; more of a guardian, really. But by the end, she was as much a mother to Anne as if she’d given birth to her. She was flawed and sometimes crabby and strict, but boy, she sure loved that Anne Shirley with a fierce passion.
Deb Erika would have to include Ma Ingalls! She made it look so easy–and was always so calm and collected and cheery. And I know she was a mouse, but how about Mrs. Frisby from Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH! She was a serious Momma bear for a, well, mouse.
Deb Molly I have always loved Bessie Glass from JD Salinger’s books, particularly as she’s portrayed in Franny and Zooey — even though her kids are merciless in their teasing, it’s clear that they adore her, and she them, even though she never seems to know quite what to do with them all. And Lillian Gilbreth from Cheaper by the Dozen — even though she’s the mother of twelve children, she’s always portrayed as being this wonderfully intelligent, wise, funny woman (and she was a real person!).
Deb Linda When I was a kid, I loved Helen Belden, junior sleuth Trixie Belden’s “Moms.” She was kind and practical, and always there for her kids. Now I adore Charity Carpenter from Jim Butcher’s Dresden Files series. She’s a full-time homemaker, amateur blacksmith, and master swordswoman. Oh, and a great cook. What more can you ask for in a mother?
Deb Rachel These are such obvious choices but I have to say them — Marmee from Little Women and Harry Potter’s Molly Weasley. When she takes out Bellatrix in The Deathly Hallows? Epic!
Today we welcome debut author, Lynne Kelly, to dance with us and on the day of her launch party!
The official bio: Lynne Kelly grew up in Houston, then lived in a couple of colder and windier places before finding her way back to the Houston area. When not tweeting, reading, or writing books for kids and teens, she is often seen flapping her hands around in front of a room full of people. But don’t be alarmed–she’s actually paid to do that, as a sign language interpreter. CHAINED is her first novel.
About Lynne’s book: CHAINED is a middle-grade novel about ten-year-old Hastin, who takes a job as an elephant keeper in northern India to pay off his family’s debt. He thinks it will be an adventure, but he isn’t prepared for the cruel circus owner. The crowds that come to the circus see a lively animal who plays soccer and balances on milk bottles, but Hastin sees Nandita, a sweet elephant and his best friend, who is chained when she’s not performing and punished until she learns her tricks perfectly. With the help of Ne Min, a wise old man who seems to know all about elephants, Hastin protects Nandita as best as he can. Still he wonders–will they both survive long enough to escape?
Sounds amazing, right? Note from Deb Joanne – this book is amazing. You want this really bad.
And now, for the interview:
Share something that’s always guaranteed to make you laugh.
This bit from The Jerk, which I quote every time I see my name in an article or book:
What is your advice for aspiring writers?
It’s important to read a lot, especially of the kinds of books you want to write. I think we absorb good storytelling skills naturally by reading good books. Find time to write every day, even if it’s just for a few minutes on an especially busy day; keep a notebook with you to jot down ideas that occur to you or a bit of dialog you’ve overheard (it’s not eavesdropping, it’s research). Find a good critique group to show your work to and listen to their feedback. Even if you don’t take every bit of advice they have, at least consider it. If writing is really something you want to do and you believe you have a great story to tell, keep working at it. This is kind of like running a marathon while not knowing where the finish line is, sometimes with bystanders throwing things and tripping you along the way, but you don’t want to give up at mile 25.
Which animal would you like to be, and why?
An elephant, of course! They love their families, remember old friends, and they’re pretty chill but they’re tough when they need to be. The 22-month pregnancies wouldn’t be so great, but at least you get an adorable baby elephant out of the deal.
What three things would you want with you if stranded on a desert island?
Is it cheating to consider people as “things” for this? ‘Cause my first thought was Martha Stewart, Dr. Oz, and Bear Grylls so I don’t die overnight. And I don’t suppose having a library with me would be feasible. If it has to be objects and I’m truly on my own, I’d say giant survival handbook, a Swiss army knife, and a phone with a really good signal.
Do you have any phobias?
I’ll cross the street to avoid a clown. But that’s normal, right? If it’s a mime I’ll run into traffic to avoid it. Actually I do have a fear of large birds. When I was four I used to get attacked by a duck pretty regularly, so that’s probably why.
Thanks for being with us on your launch party day, Lynne! If you want to find out more about Lynne, you can find her at:
Lynne has generously offered up a signed copy of her hardcover book CHAINED as a prize for one of our commenters (open internationally). Just tell us what YOU would take with you onto a desert island.
This has been an exciting week here at the Ball—our own Deb Molly’s debut novel, THE PRINCESSES OF IOWA, was officially released on Tuesday.
Congratulations, Molly!!!!
But, of course, one day of celebration isn’t enough for such a momentous event. We think a book launch deserves at least a whole week of hooplah!
I’ve been telling all my non-pixelated (you know the kind–those strangely “solid” people who are a part of our non-internet existence) friends what a wonderful book it is, because, yanno, it IS. And now I’m telling you, too.
If you’re a young adult, or have ever been a young adult, this book should be in your TBR (To Be Read) pile.
Seriously, y’all—it’s a compelling read. It really kept me turning the pages, not only because I wanted to find out what happened, but also because I became so engrossed in the characters. I just had to learn what made Paige–and the others–tick. Good stuff.
And never let it be said that Deb Linda isn’t doing her part for the launch celebration! Why, every evening this week I’ve lifted one of these in honor of the release:
Because that’s just the kind of friend I am. Cheers to PRINCESSES!
My question for Molly:
I love that Paige spent time in Paris as an au pair before coming home to reassemble her high school life after the accident. I especially liked your take on her time there–definitely not sunshine and roses. Did you draw on a real life experience for Paige’s Paris sojourn? (If so, I hope you had a better time in the City of Lights than Paige did!)
I did spend time in Paris when I was 17, actually! Unlike Paige, I was only there for a few days, I wasn’t working or babysitting, wasn’t there against my will, & in fact had a lovely time. I was there with my parents, who were nice enough (or sick enough of me) to let me wander off on my own a bit, so I spent quite a bit of time in the Jardin du Luxembourg writing in my journal, watching people do tai chi in the woods, and explaining to a man that just because I was from the United States did not mean I drove a Cadillac. (Actually, I drove a Renault, which he flat-out refused to accept.)
I also spent quite a bit of time at the amazing Shakespeare & Co bookstore, dreaming about the day when I’d run away to Paris and live in the bookstore. I bought myself a copy of Van Gogh’s letters, which contain some of the most beautiful meditations on art and becoming an artist that I’ve ever read.
Nevertheless, I think we’ve all experienced the weirdness of reuniting with friends after a long separation to find that they’ve changed, or you’ve changed, and somehow your friendship isn’t clicking like it used to. And I’m sure we’ve all had trips that didn’t quite match up to the brochure version, too!
~*~
Absolutely, Molly. The biggest shock to me after my semester abroad in Stockholm was the culture shock I felt upon my return to the States. I hadn’t anticipated that. Glad you turned your time in Paris into such a great part of your book.
And don’t forget! Deb Molly will be giving away a signed copy of THE PRINCESSES OF IOWA to one lucky commenter this week so be sure to leave your thoughts any day this week to be entered to win!
I’m so excited that launch week for The Princesses of Iowa is finally here. I hope you’ll all pick up a copy of Deb Molly’s wonderful novel. For anyone (like, uh, ME) who has enjoyed her thoughtful posts and her wise insights into the writing life, the book is like that — times a milllion!
And now… the question!
Q: There are a lot of characters in this book, and some seem to be more complicated and layered than others. Lacey, specifically, doesn’t seem like much more than a mean girl. Was this intentional? Whereas so many other YA books give the mean-girl something to make us understand her in the end, Lacey is, more or less, tough throughout (with some deviation that I won’t give away here). I know everything that you write is so thoughtful, I’m curious as to why you made this decision.
A: The weird thing about writing in first person is that you’re limited to what that character knows and understands, which gets tricky when you have an unreliable narrator — for instance in The Sixth Sense, the audience is limited to the protagonist’s understanding of the world, and that understanding helps to shape the story itself and lends itself to the big reveal toward the end of the story. Many people, when discussing unreliable narrators, seem to mean narrators who are purposely manipulating the audience & the reader’s understanding of events by basically lying in their narrative, but I would actually argue that everyone is an unreliable narrator, because we’re all limited by our own biases, assumptions, and worldviews.
That said, I think Paige is perhaps more unreliable than most, because, frankly, she’s a very self-centered person and unused to thinking about anyone else. She’s not empathetic (though she slowly becomes slightly moreso over the course of the book) and she’s not that interested in spending the time to figure out what other people are thinking and feeling.
When it comes to Lacey, in addition to being self-centered, Paige is also feeling hurt, angry, and betrayed, which makes her not just self-centered but actively unwilling to consider what’s going on with Lacey. I think the more we care about someone — and the higher our expectations of them — the harsher we judge them when they fail to meet our expectations.
In short — yes, Lacey’s characterization was intentionally shallow because Paige herself wasn’t at a place where she could see Lacey as anything but a bitch. Lacey and Mrs. Sheridan suffer the most from Paige’s anger, but all of the characters are filtered through Paige’s particular worldview. I’d like to think that Paige will have learned to be a lot more empathetic and thoughtful by the time she gets to college….
* * *
See what I mean? So thoughtful! I always learn so much from hearing Molly’s process. It’s almost as if she’s a writing teacher or something…
And leave it to me to ask about BFFs. Thanks for writing such a thought-provoking friendship Molly. Happy launch week!
And don’t forget! Deb Molly will be giving away a signed copy of THE PRINCESSES OF IOWA to one lucky commenter this week so be sure to leave your thoughts any day this week to be entered to win!
Welcome to The Debutante Ball, a group blog for debut authors, now in its sixth season. Join us daily for our takes on bookish and not-so-bookish topics and celebrate with us as our debuts approach.
Congratulations to Susan Swiderski, winner of a copy of The Princesses of Iowa!
Today we welcome debut author, Lynne Kelly, to dance with us and on the day of her launch party!
Which animal would you like to be, and why?
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